Goodbye Peter Pan
by Bled Dry
Summary: Prompted by a feeling, Alice leads the Cullens back to Forks, but ten years is a long time in a brief human life. Edward's wish for Bella to have a nice human life seems to have been fulfilled. Bella believes that once she loved a remarkable boy, but in the end he didn't love her. Can Edward convince her she is wrong?
1. Chapter 1

Edward tried to stay away. He really did. He lasted five months before he needed to see her. He told himself it was to make sure she was safe, that this exile was worthwhile. His long still heart hoped that she would take him back. That she would understand he spoke the blackest blasphemy that afternoon in the woods. That she would forgive him.

He was minutes away from her when he caught a new scent, one that impossibly caught his attention even more than Bella's.

_Laurent._

He followed the stale scent, his fear growing with each rapid footfall, to the meadow.

The meadow was a strange cacophony of aromas. Immediately he could detect her bouquet, but was then overwhelmed with an odour he recognized from his first time here, before she even existed. They came together where Laurent's scent ended. It was at this spot he caught up to the horror he had tried to protect her from. It was not the month old smell of his Singer amongst dog and a vampire who may have been friend or foe. No, it was not these things that caused that moment of impossible fear.

It was the new scent, less than an hour old, which polluted the space that Edward once held sacred.

_Victoria._

Edward, always the hunter, took off in pursuit of new prey.

He met up with Jasper and Emmet in Texas. Alice had sent them after she assured Edward that Bella was safe. Alice did not mention she had been having visions of Bella recently, of her driving and then vanishing, only to be able to reappear hours later. Alice knew the significance of the geography Bella was heading invisible into.

It was June before they met up with Victoria. The three of them followed her across North and South America, occasionally splitting up or communicating with Alice when she had a vision for them. Victoria was a skilled escape artist and managed to constantly elude them. They had lost count of the times they had followed a fresh trail only to lose her altogether.

The tide turned in Seattle, where the brothers cornered a newborn and Edward plucked a shadow of Victoria's plan from his mind just as Emmet separated it from his body. It was enough though. The next evening was Victoria's last.

Their celebration was a brief collection of whoops and manly hugs, before Emmet and Jasper sent Edward to retrieve his girl.

Edward ran faster than he had ever before. He was closer to his destination than he should have been before he realized the scent of wet dog surrounded her currently empty house.

Edward was forced to wander the shadows of the town, trying to divine her location from unsuspecting pedestrians. He was frustrated by the slowness of it all. Eventually he heard a small group of teens drinking in the park. Immediately he went to the mind of those he recognized. Jessica's was a hurricane: _My boobs do look fierce in this dress; What is it with Mike? I know he likes me but he's all moody now she's left again. How the hell does she do it anyway? She's so plain. She must give great head. I wonder if I should go down on Mike, I bet that would get his attention..._

That was enough for Edward. Accompanying her crass thoughts were images of Bella. One of them caught his attention more than others; Bella walking away under the arm of a very large male. He quickly jumped from mind to mind trying to deduce who he was. Finally he plucked a name and things fell into place.

_Jacob Black_.

Edward used all his predatory skills to track the pair of them down on the outskirts of town, parked at the end of a dark, dead end street. He was being assaulted by her blood, the stench of wolf and a fragrance he remembered from their brief moments of privacy and long sleepless nights in Bella's bedroom. He could hear the soft sighs that use to torture his principals. While he wanted to rush in and save her, he could not move. Foolishly he let himself stay and watch the scene play out from inside Jacob's mind.

His eyes were closed and there were no words but his mind was a series of images repeated: lips, hands, tongue, all of them Bella's.

Jacob opened his eyes. Edward could now see what Jacob was seeing. Jacob was apparently looking at the ceiling of his car. Edward could hear Bella in stereo, her increasing breathing and whimpers reaching his vampire ears at the same time he heard the sounds filtered through Jacob's mind.

Through Jacob he understood that they were in the backseat of his ridiculous car. Bella was straddling his lap and kissing his neck.

Edward was both horrified and relieved. Though it hurt him to see Bella like this with someone else, he took comfort in the knowledge she was doing nothing more with Jacob than she had done with Edward. They could get past this.

Then, as if Jacob cold read his mind, his eyes closed once again and the images changed.

_Lips._

_Jacob's hand running up exposed legs, caressing naked thighs, a hand behind the knee, pulling it over his hip._

Jacob's fantasy was increasingly painful to Edward, yet Edward stayed in his mind, reassuring himself it was merely fantasy.

_Jacob's mouth on Bella's neck, moving down and then away so that more of Bella's body became exposed. _

It was here that Edward felt himself begin to die all over again. He was looking at Bella's naked body through Jacob's eyes. He could see the two small freckles above her right nipple, the faint birthmark that poked through the small patch of dark on her pubic bone. Immediately he compared Jacob's image to one he had accidentally gleamed from Alice; a flash of Bella in the shower, trying to keep her cast dry.

Jacob was not fantasizing.

He was remembering.

Edward ran.

* * *

Mike thought the years had been kind to Bella, even if life had not. It had been four years since their high school graduation. He had seen her once or twice a summer since then. He always asked her to spend time with him. She always smiled while politely declining his invite. Mike was surprised to see Bella doing so well today. He remembered when she became little more than a zombie in the months after the Cullens left. He had also noticed her breakup with Jacob coincided with her quitting the store and abandoning Forks almost completely. Mike watched her across the room and knew she would always be it for him. He had noticed she was dateless today, that a woman he assumed was her mother sat and held her hand. He watched the back of Bella's head throughout the service. He ached to be able to put his arm around her and be the one she went to when she needed strength. Mike felt guilty for his glee when she smiled gently at him when their eyes met as she followed the casket out of the church. It was in that moment that Mike promised himself he would attempt to woo Bella Swan.

Starting tomorrow.

He resigned himself to just being her friend for today. That's what she would need the day she buried her father.

Mike had no way of knowing Edward Cullen was hiding in the woods listening to his every thought. There was no way to know that his memories of her as a broken teenager, along with his internal declaration of his love and commitment to Bella Swan, had sent Edward running again.

Mike spent the better part of the next year simply being there for Bella. He was there to help in plumbing emergencies; she held the ladder while he repainted the second story of her house. Each Sunday morning Bella woke up to the sound of Mike mowing the lawn and she would make him a hearty breakfast to reward his efforts. Not once did he make a move on Bella. He knew she would need time to fall in love with him and he was willing to wait for her.

He lasted eleven months.

When Bella took care of Mike during the five days his parents were missing he was grateful for his friendship with Bella. While she slept down the hall in his bed he laid on his sofa and let himself indulge in the fantasy of living with Bella as man and wife. On the fifth day Bella put her arm around his shoulders as he listened to Seth explain they had found his parents just off the hiking trail, the victims of an apparent bear attack.

In his shock he mistook Bella's panicked face as grief. He didn't question why Seth shook his head while he said "really Bella, just a bear attack."

While he fell apart in Bella's arms he came to decision that life was too short to waste. It wasn't a surprise to either of them when Mike pressed his lips to Bella's. Although they were both surprised by the enthusiasm with which she kissed him back. Bella, it seemed, had come to the same conclusion.

* * *

To the Cullens, it began to seem as if Bella never existed. Alice was their last connection to her and over time her visions became less and less frequent. When they did appear it was like trying to watch a scrambled tv channel. Alice's last vision, a Forks police cruiser losing control on an icy highway before disappearing under a logging truck, sent Edward flying off to Forks. He returned within the week.

The remorse and devastation Edward felt on his return knocked Jasper off his feet.

"I was too late." Was all he said as he retreated to his room, where he would remain, except to hunt, for the next few years.

When the family moved away from the remote wilds of northern Alberta to the grand landscape of Wyoming, Edward slowly began to spend more time with his family. A smile from him was still a rarity and they thought it likely his laughter had gone extinct. It was an unacknowledged truth in the house: he was existing until he had word of Bella's death.

They spent nearly ten years in this state. Never mentioning Bella, guarding their thoughts so that their time in that small, rainy Washington town could never stray in, the delicate pretence that life was good remained.

So it was with quite a shock one evening as the family lounged about the living room that Alice sat up, wide eyed.

"We have to go to Forks!" The family stared, trying to understand why she looked so confused and yet spoke so certainly.

"A vision?" Esme asked. Before she could stop herself she thought of Bella and saw Edward wince. Alice and Edward shook their head in unison.

"No... a feeling. I see nothing, but suddenly, I just feel like we have to go."

Rosalie, of course, was the one to protest. "We've been gone too long, we can't just show up out of the blue." She hadn't finished her sentence when Alice's eyes glazed over and Edward leaned towards her, as if he could see more if only he had a closer proximity.

"Carlisle you are going to make a donation to the library... They will build a new children's library, they'll name it after Esme." She smiled at them. "It will be fine. I don't foresee any problems. But I feel if we don't go, if we don't _all_ go, things could get very bad."

"But you see nothing?" Edward asked harshly from his corner of the room.

"You know I can't see her anymore Edward. " She whispered, "But I do think this is about her. We must go. I don't think there is a choice."

* * *

Mike and Bella shared a sweet love. While it lacked a certain degree of passion Bella was content with its easy stability. For the first time in her life Bella was confident the boy she chose loved her. Perhaps this spoke to her maturity, perhaps to his mortality. Bella did not find herself over thinking her relationship with Mike. She was pleased on her 25th birthday when he got down on one knee and expressed his desire to share the rest of his life with her.

Their wedding followed a year later. Those that knew the happy couple raised their glasses to toast a pair so obviously destined to be together. Only Jacob noticed Bella falter during the groom's toast when Mike professed his eternal love to his soul mate.

Bella continued on in her happy, human life. She continued to work at the library while Mike tried to keep his family's business afloat. It was the day after her 28th birthday she received word she would be working with a large donation to establish a children's library.

Ten years is a long time in a brief human life. Bella was shocked to see the name associated with the donation only because she knew they didn't usually leave a paper trail. She remembered they were generous, but veiled their gifts with various charitable organizations and trusts, so as not to be remembered individually over centuries of giving. Always the professional, she eagerly got to work, briefly wondering if they would attend the dedication ceremony.

This was not something Bella would lose sleep over. She rarely thought of the Cullens, of Edward, at all these days. Long ago Bella had taken the seed of his lie to heart where it had initially destroyed her, but over time it sprouted roots and began to grow into a new truth. The original seed had told her not only that she was unloved, but that she was unlovable. Soon it tempered to become nothing more than a solemn place in her heart she went to in moments of melancholy. Once she loved a remarkable boy, but in the end he didn't love her.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

As the grand opening of the Esme Cullen Children's Reading Room came closer Bella became increasingly nervous. This was her first big job at the library and she had thrown herself into it. She hoped she did Forks, and the Cullens, proud. Although the book purchases for the project had been solely Bella's responsibility, she had very little to do with the opening. She wondered who would show up at the gala event. She knew the company they hired to put on the party would do a good job, but it was likely nothing compared to what Esme and Alice could have done.

Bella strolled around the nearly empty library trying to gather her nerves. She was going to have to make a speech tonight. Public speaking was something Bella tried to avoid at all costs. She had only ever done it twice before in her adult life; her best friend Angela's wedding and her own. Bella would never admit it to anyone, not even Angela, that she was also nervous of seeing the Cullens again. She wondered what they would think, if anything, of her. It was the way of small towns that everyone knew they would be in attendance tonight. Mike and Ben had laughed aloud at the idea of seeing the freaks again. Angela had quietly asked her how she felt about seeing _him_ again. Bella had smiled and reassured her that she was no longer a moody teenage girl, but a happily married adult, seeing the Cullens would be nice.

Yet, here she was, her stomach in knots pacing around the library and looking as frantic as the Mad Hatter himself, fitting given tonight's theme. Bella tried to distract herself by imagining the Cullens' reaction to tonight's party. She thought Alice would think a tea party in Wonderland overdone. Bella began to entertain herself by coming up with her own theme, one that would fit such an eclectic bunch. She smiled to herself as she eyed the classic children's literature on display. Charlotte's Web, the story of loyalty and selfless giving could perhaps be linked to them. Or maybe The Secret Garden; with its themes on the regeneration of a family it would certainly fit Esme and Carlisle. Her eyes landed on Peter Pan. Bella had enough of that game.

As Bella turned away from the display she noticed the main hall of the library had started to fill up. A band had set up in the far corner near the bar. Bella made her way over hoping gin would help prepare her for the night.

It was not difficult for them to spot her. Even without their extra sensory advantage Bella seemed to stand out in the crowd. She was standing across the room, near the bar, using her straw to play with the ice in her drink. Alice was immediately proud of her clothing choice, a white vintage style halter dress, she'd overlook the flats. Bella turned slightly to the right, her eyes taking stock of the room, though she missed the Cullens. As her left hand became visible each of the Cullens faltered. Alice breathed out a shocked "oh."

Carlisle felt Esme's hand reach for his, but all his attention was on his son. Edward's jaw was set and his eyes were focused on Bella. Carlisle expected a greater reaction but then it dawned on him; Edward was prepared for this. Placing his hand on Edward's back Carlisle gently tried to encourage him to move forward, the seven of them standing there staring would draw attention. "Edward the director is waving us over, we should head towards the stage."

"I'm fine Carlisle. I just need to go unnoticed for a moment."

As the rest of his family moved forward, Edward remained alone. It took exactly 2.3 seconds for Bella to notice him.

She knew he would hear her heart racing. It couldn't be helped. Her memories had not done him justice. His beauty almost caused her physical pain, she could feel the beginnings of that hole in her chest. She momentarily worried about what that could mean, but just as quickly dismissed the idea. It was just that he was so...hot. Bella smiled shyly in his direction and followed it up with a sip on the straw of her g & t. Since he was still staring at her, Bella thought she should acknowledge him. As she made her way over she kept her eyes locked on his. It crossed her mind that she could be too much for him, that her scent could be overpowering, but she didn't worry about it. She figured if she survived that first day in biology she was probably going to survive tonight.

Standing before him Bella was surprised that he looked older. She expected to be standing in front of a seventeen year old in an expensive suit. Edward no longer looked like a teenager. While he certainly didn't look old, there was a quality about him that appeared to have aged him. Standing this close she could tell Edward wasn't breathing, and Bella was fairly certain he hadn't blinked yet either. There was certainly no warmth in his expression when he looked at her. Bella immediately felt a fool; of course he wouldn't want her walking over to him. At a loss Bella took another, longer, sip of her drink.

"Hello Edward." She held her hand out in offer to shake his.

"Bella." Edward replied somewhat curtly. He didn't extend his hand. Bella figured this out and slowly withdrew her own. She was about to thank him for coming when a voice came over the loud speakers. Bella found herself standing beside Edward as her boss called for everyone's attention. Knowing it was her turn next Bella quickly finished her drink. Stopping as her straw began to slurp the empty glass.

"...Please join me in welcoming Isabella Newton..." Bella knew this was her cue. Unsure of what to do with her glass she looked to Edward, whose hand was now extended.

"ummm... hold this for me would you?" She pressed the tumbler into Edward's hand and walked to the stage. The crowd's applause was loud enough that no one heard the sound of stone crushing glass. 

There is a difference in being prepared for an event and living through it. When Edward left Forks for the last time he began to prepare himself for Bella to live a normal, happy, human life. He spent years reminding himself wanting her was selfish. This choice he made on her behalf was truly what was best for her.

But in the time between Alice's feeling and now a new thought had begun to form; Bella was destined for more than this. She was so much more than this sleepy little town. Bella was an extraordinary girl and she deserved an extraordinary life.

It was this thought that guided his anger over her changed last name. Once the speeches were done and the festivities began Edward sought out Jasper for his insight into the situation.

"Jasper, what is she feeling? Is she miserable? Is she angry?"

"She is content Edward. Leave it alone."

"Content?" Edward felt the world once again slowly fall apart around him. "Content? She _loves_ him? She is happy with him? That vile boy makes her happy?"

"Leave it Edward. It's what you wanted for her."

"Does she love him like she loved me? Can you feel that Jasper?"

"Not like she loved you Edward. But this is what you wanted for her. Leave this. Don't ask anymore of me."

Edward could not leave well enough alone though. "Does she still love me? Can you feel that? Do you feel her longing for me still?"

Jasper didn't speak out loud, but he didn't censor his thoughts either.

_ No._

"Bells, sorry I'm late. Traffic from Seattle was insane!" Mike leaned in and kissed her check, as would be appropriate in public, "God you make me so fucking hard in that dress." He whispered the less appropriate sentiment in her ear. Bella blushed. She knew Mike would be mortified if he knew he had been overheard.

"Wait until you see what's under it." She whispered quieter than normal, then returned his quick kiss. Although she knew she may as well have shouted at the Cullens, this was the typical greeting she would share with Mike. He loved her in lingerie. And she loved the way he would take his time unwrapping her like she was the most precious of gifts. She couldn't help but glance to where she knew Edward was, curiosity getting the better of her. There was a little part of her that hoped he would be jealous. The look on his face was anything but. Edward was looking at her, a look of pure disgust on his face. She thought back on the all the times he rejected her, she wasn't surprised he was revolted by the thought of her having a sex life. Bella had dealt with the hurt long ago.

* * *

It was with the gift of hindsight that Bella knew this was a foolish idea. She was working under the false assumption that Alice would be able to see her and hadn't yet stopped her. It was at the top of the Cullen's long private lane that her truck, reliable only in its temperamental relationship with the rain, sputtered to a stop. After a brief internal debate over calling someone for help versus just walking through the downpour Bella pulled her hoodie up and started to jog towards the house.

It was like moving through a wall of water, Bella was instantly soaked and though it was early spring the temperature was just hovering over the freezing mark.

"uhh...if there are any Cullen's within hearing distance... could you help me out?"

Edward's appearance was almost instantaneous.

"Hi Edward." Bella dismissed her elevated heart rate as nothing but a natural reaction to being startled. She was surprised at how quickly he showed up, and even more surprised at who had shown up to help her. "I don't suppose you brought your car?"

Edward continued to stare at Bella, while mentally berating himself for just running outside, without the means to help her. Bella just saw it as pissed off.

"It's just that my truck died. And I really wanted to stop by for a visit, Carlisle mentioned last night that I would be welcome to stop by anytime, and I thought now was as good as ever, and then well, my truck died and now I'm really wet." Bella rambled, annoyed at herself for presuming she could just show up here. She wondered if Edward had come to tell her to leave them alone.

Bella was just about to say she would go when she felt Edward's hand on her arm, then she was on his back, flying down the laneway. The trip was fast. Before Bella even had a chance to process she was once again running with Edward she was standing in the entrance of the Cullen's home. Edward still hadn't spoken.

"Thanks."

"Everyone is out now. You're welcome to wait for them." Edward was speaking slowly and very formally. It reminded her of the first time he had ever spoken to her.

"Thanks. Again. I'd like that. Uhh... do you think there is somewhere I could dry off, and try to warm up?"

" You can use my room, there's a shower there. I'll bring you some clothes. Follow me."

Bella hesitated before following Edward, it didn't seem right to follow her ex-boyfriend to his room, but she was cold and clearly he was way over her.

When they reached his door he opened it and then moved aside to let her in. "If you just leave everything on the floor I will put it in the dryer for you. I'll leave a change of clothes on the couch." He moved back into the hall shutting the door behind him.

Bella starred at the closed door for a few minutes. She couldn't help but feel sad, Edward was behaving so strangely. He was obviously uncomfortable with her being there. With a small sigh she headed to the bathroom to get changed.

As Bella wrapped herself in Edward's robe she contemplated what to do with her underwear. It seemed a silly thing to get stuck on, but Edward was going to put her clothes in the dryer. Would it be worse for them to be there or not? With a shake of her head Bella decided she was being ridiculous and tucked them inside of her jeans. Out of sight, out of mind she decided. She wrapped a towel around her before she walked back into his room and placed her folded, wet clothes on the floor near the door. As Bella started the shower she heard the door to Edward's room quickly open and close. She flushed at the idea of being naked so close to him before rolling her eyes at her inner seventeen year old.

Edward waited outside the door until he heard the shower turn on, he knew she would be tucked safely in his bathroom then. He had never felt so close to losing his control since the first day he met her. Only, it was not the blood lust that consumed him this time. As quickly as he could Edward retrieved Bella's clothes from the floor of his room and tossed them in the dryer down the hall. He needed them out of his hands. They taunted him, these things that had been right against Bella's skin. He stopped in Alice's room to grab Bella a pair of jeans and the most Bella-like top he could find. He laid the outfit on his couch and stepped out of the room again.

The door closed and Edward leaned against the wall. He could hear her every movement in the shower. He knew he was indulging in a dangerous perversion as he listened and created images to go with the sound of her hands moving over her body, the unfurling of the towel and its subsequent whispered swoosh around her. As Bella left the bathroom he remained frozen, one foot on the floor, his back and sole of the other foot against the wall.

Bella looked down at the jeans Edward had left out for her. He had obviously gone to Alice's room to pick them up. While Bella was fairly confident she was never as tiny as Alice, even in her high school days, she knew with absolute certainty that she was not going to fit into the tiny pants before her today. With a small sigh Bella made her way over to Edward's drawers and rummaged about until she found something that would fit her.

As she pulled on his boxer shorts and shirt Bella thought how some men would find a woman wearing their clothes arousing. She felt it was a safe bet Edward was not one of these men. Or at least she wasn't his kind of woman.

As Edward waited, listening for his cue that it was safe to knock, he could tell Bella was going through his things. His curiosity was peaked as he heard the soft sound of cotton as it kissed her skin. Edward listened until he heard Bella's retreating feet and then the sound of her resting her hand against his window. Deciding she must be decent he knocked on the door.

Bella moved away from the window as she called "come in."

Edward was barely prepared for Bella to be in his house. He most certainly was not prepared for the sight before him. Bella Swan stood in his room, her wet hair clinging to one of his tee shirts. Her legs, more of her skin than he had ever seen in person, extended from his boxer shorts. Her scent, seemingly intensified from the steamy shower overpowered him. Edward felt his instinct take over as a small growl erupted from his chest.

Bella watched as Edward's expression hardened. Before she could offer an explanation for why she was in his clothes he growled quietly and took a step towards her. Bella stepped back but Edward matched it. As Bella's back pressed up against the window she felt confused. She wondered if she should be frightened, but she wasn't. Bella bit her lip as she watched Edward take another step so his body was only inches from her.

"Bella," he whispered, his voice taut. He reached up and moved Bella's hair off her shoulder. Bella felt the shirt pull at her shoulders as Edward fisted the hem that hung at each side of her hips. Against her better judgement Bella angled her head as Edward leaned into her neck, his nose, just millimetres from her skin, trailed a line from her collarbone to the tip of her ear.

"I thought you were happily married Bella. I never thought you would be so easily distracted."

Edward's allusion to their parting conversation in the woods snapped Bella out of her daze.

Bella pushed Edward's chest, who complied by moving back.

"How dare you? You think you can dazzle me and then judge me for being human? Fuck you Edward. Not all of us are so easy to distract as you are. Fuck you!"

Bella walked down the stairs. Knowing there was no point to running, if he wanted to Edward would catch her. The opening of the front door as she reached the bottom step was the only thing that gave her pause.

"Hello. Uh, sorry, excuse me." Bella didn't stop as she hurried by a very confused Rose and Emmet. She made a point of not slamming the door behind her. The rain had not stopped. "Shit."

"Did Bella Swan just leave our house in Edward's underwear?" Emmet looked from the door to the stairs repeatedly. There was a soft knock on the door, Emmet strolled to answer it at human speed.

"Hi Emmett... I ... uh... I need to get my clothes." Before him stood a very wet Bella. Arms crossed over her chest to avoid a spring break impression.

"I've got this." Rose gave Emmet a pat on the chest with one hand while wrapping Bella in a Trench with the other. "Let's go, Bella, I'll take you home."

* * *

Emmet found Edward where Bella had left him. It hurt him to see his brother look so obviously lost. "Hey man, what just happened here?"

Edward looked to his brother. He was prepared to lie, to keep his confusion to himself, but the look on his siblings face stopped him. He wasn't going to get through this alone and of anyone in the house, Emmet was actually the one with the advice he needed. "I nearly lost control Em. Not nearly. I lost it, just for a second."

"You nearly bit her?"

"Uhhh... no."

"But...oh...ohhhh... Edward can I offer up some advice here?" Emmet continued on, not pausing for an answer, "Bella's not a girl anymore. She's a woman." Edward winced as he heard Emmet add _and a pretty fucking sexy one at that, for a human anyway_ but he let it go since Emmet left it unsaid. "I am not sure chaste kissing is going to curl her toes the way it used to. You need to figure out what you are going to do here. You can't go at this half assed."

"I'm not going at anything. She's married. She is having a nice normal life, which is something I couldn't give her."

"Edward, she is your mate. You want to claim her," Edward winced once more as Emmet's thoughts slipped to his claiming Rosalie. "She is yours, but what's more, you are hers. This mating thing isn't like some grand chivalrous love story. I guarantee you will not be able to stick around and be magnanimous about her finding love. That's bullshit anyway. The feelings you have for each other transcend human emotion,"

"That may be true for me, but she is human. She has human emotions, she has moved on."

"Don't underestimate her. Again."

* * *

Once Rose had Bella's address, the car ride home was silent, which Bella was extremely grateful for. Bella had grown into a confident woman, but Rose was still an intimidating force. It wasn't until she pulled into Bella and Mike's drive that she spoke.

"Are you happy Bella?"

It wasn't the question Bella was expecting. If it was her, she'd ask about the underwear. "Yes Rose. I know we all thought Mike was a tool, but he's really a great guy."

"You aren't interested in Edward anymore?" Surprisingly there was no judgement in Rose's voice.

"No."

"If I told you that Edward had taken up with a beautiful, well, one of us, that wouldn't bother you?"

"No Rose, I dealt with that a long time ago. It's why he left after all."

Rose turned her head, and arched an eyebrow at Bella. "Why do you think that?"

"He told me, in the woods. I believe the word he used was 'distraction' but I knew what he meant. He wasn't being very obtuse. For a while I wondered if I really knew any of you at all. I wondered if Edward was a bit of a succubus. That you all backed him in his innocent virgin act and I thought perhaps I wasn't worth the work."

Unexpectedly Rose laughed. "Oh Bella! I almost wish _that_ was the case."

"What do you mean? He didn't leave me for someone else?"

"That is not my story to tell."

Bella laughed humorlessly at Rose's statement. "Well that's all in the past now isn't it?"

Rose, never one to beat around the bush answered, "No, I'm not sure it is, Bella."


	3. Chapter 3

Edward spent the soggy morning in a tree behind Newton's. From his vantage point he could see Mike's profile as he hung up the phone and put his head in his hands. He watched as Mike pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, a lame attempt to staunch the flow of tears. He was about to turn away once Mike's shoulders begin to heave as the cost of his failure moved through him. Edward had hoped spending some time in Mike's head would give him access to some flaw, something he could split open and use to worm his way back into Bella's heart. It had given him no such thing. All he learned was Mike did not have the business acumen to keep his parent's legacy afloat. As he watched Mike fall apart he felt the stirrings of pity for the boy he had made his sworn enemy.

That was until Mike reached for the phone.

"Bella? We didn't get the loan...I don't know... No you don't have to...O.k. See you soon baby."

Edward could not feel empathy for this useless boy who had everything he ever wanted. Nor could he convince himself to get out of the tree before Bella arrived.

He tracked her entrance through the eyes of the two employees on the shop floor. Edward had been growing impatient; it had been nearly half an hour since Mike had hung up the phone. He started to question if he had interpreted the conversation correctly.

As Bella entered the store she had to brace herself against the door as her heels slipped on the slick floor. She called out a quick hello but kept walking, clutching a lunch bag to her chest, Rose's borrowed trench coat soaking wet and fastened tight. Edward listened as he heard her soft knock on the door to her husband's office.

"Hey Mike I brought you some lunch." She kissed him on the cheek as she placed the bag in front of him on his desk. As Mike opened the bag, Bella stood behind him and rubbed his shoulders. She gave them a squeeze and stopped once Mike began eating.

"Mmmff... Baby this is so good. You really didn't have to do this you know..."

If Edward was capable of hearing Mike at that point all he would have heard was a series of appreciative sounds. But Edward could not hear Mike because he could see what Bella was doing behind him.

Edward leaned forward, horrified and aroused, as he watched her push through the last button on her coat and slide it off her shoulders. He had never seen such beauty, even when she was in his shirt the day before, as he saw now. There, not ten feet away from where he sat perched on a branch, was Bella Swan in black lingerie. His eyes followed the coat as it fell to the floor and then they slowly made their way back up. He had noticed the heels and stockings as she entered the shop but now he looked at them in their entirety. His eyes traced the stockings to the tops of her thighs where they ended with a band of lace. He noted the small black clip that connected them to a ribbon that disappeared under the black skirt of her...he didn't know the word for it... slip? Chemise? It clung to her figure. His eyes lingered on the slit at the front of her thigh before following the fabric to its bra like top that cupped her breasts. He didn't know the name of it, but he was sure it was meant to torture men. It certainly was torturing him.

Bella leaned over Mike's shoulder, pushing his sandwich aside. "Why don't you finish that when I'm gone dear?" She whispered in his ear. She kept her hands on his body as she walked in front of him. She momentarily paused as he sat back in his chair. She mirrored his actions and leaned back onto the desk.

"Holy fuck baby." Mike breathed out, pressing his hands down the tops of his thighs.

"So you like it then?" Bella smiled as she sat back on his desk, crossing her legs.

"I fucking love it! Seriously baby, that right there is the sexiest thing ever. Ever." Mike's words echoed Edward's thoughts, reminding Edward who Bella dressed for. He watched as Mike stood up while running his hand up Bella's stocking clad leg. He thought he needed to run away; Far away, now, as he watched Mike uncross Bella's legs. But, as Mike put one foot down on the arm of his chair and the other up higher, so it rested against the back of the chair, Edward stood transfixed. There was Bella, his Bella, exposed before him. And he was watching through the eyes of her husband.

Mike sat back down in the chair and ran his hands up Bella's legs again. Edward couldn't block out his thoughts now. He felt every moment of anticipation as Mike pressed his lips to the inside of her knee. Each eager thought: soft, wet, good, echoed in Edward's mind. As he watched Bella lean back onto her elbows, bracing her forearms against the desk, Mike fell to his knees.

It was torture and he couldn't move. Through his own eyes he could see her profile, the bend of her knee, the arch of her back. He watched her chin rise and her breasts fall out of the demi cups that barely contained them in the first place, as she threw her head back, arching further into the actions of Mike between her legs. He didn't need to be in Mike's head to hear her soft whimpers and cries grow more frequent as her heart rate sped up. He could hear her blood as it pulsed through her body. He watched Mike run a hand from where he held her at the hips, over her stomach to briefly roll one of her small, rose nipples through his fingers before continuing over her throat, stopping at her mouth. He watched as her body arched impossibly further, her chest spasming as she bit down on Mikes hand, muffling her cries. The sound of her body exploding, then pulsating, roared in his ears.

He didn't need to be in Mike's head, but he was.

He remained there while Mike kissed his way up her body all the while frantically undoing his belt. He watched, through Mike's eyes, a grinning Bella push herself back up before she pushed his pants down his legs. Mike held Bella by the hips and pulled her to him, pausing briefly at her entrance. He spoke the words as they entered his head.

"Baby, even if I lose everything, as long as I have you I'm the luckiest fucking man on the planet."

As Mike entered Bella she whispered, "you'll always have me. I'm yours Mike, I'm yours."

It was the single most painful experience of Edward's life. It was also the most erotic.

* * *

Jasper felt the force of Edward's anguish at the house. He had a quiet word in Emmet's ear and the two headed off to retrieve him. Jasper couldn't get within 500 feet.

"I'm sorry brother" he called out to Emmet as he abandoned him.

It was the only warning Emmet would receive as to what he was about to encounter. He understood immediately why Jasper left, even without his gift this was unbearable. Edward was lying as though he had fallen out of the tree, his body twisting in anguish, hands fisted in his mouth to silence any audible sounds to humans, but a low growl rumbled from him.

The second thing Emmet noticed were the sounds coming from the window above him. He recognized the quiet groaning of wood before he even registered the soft moans and grunts, the reverently whispered cursing.

It took Emmet less than a second to realize his brother had been sitting witness to Mike and Bella's afternoon delight. He wanted to kick his ass, but instead he hauled him over his shoulder and carried him home.

* * *

"So what are you going to do man? I told you it would be impossible to watch her have a life. You may think it is the right thing to do, but it isn't what you truly want."

"Em you need to spare me the 'I told you so bullshit.' I can't right now."

"It's exactly what you need right now. Have you talked to her? I saw her fly out of here in your underwear yesterday. I know you wanted her. Dude, you really need to come with a plan. You need her. We need you. Ergo, we need her." Emmet grinned.

"Seriously?"

"Come on man, you look like you needed some levity."

"I don't think I can stay here. I can't handle this."

"No, you are staying. You are trying. You are fighting for her this time. But you have to stop spying on her. That I'm serious about. And you need a plan."

"A plan?"

"Definitely. Last time you just freaked the fuck out and ran. I told you yesterday there are things you need to consider here. She's a woman. A married woman. I think you saw today she is fulfilling her marital duties."

"Emmett! Please"

"You need to understand that. She has ten years experience on you, in things you have no idea. So you need to get that experience." Edward's expression was enough to tell Emmett that wouldn't be happening. "Fine! But you need to understand what you are up against. You need to be willing to put sex on the table. You want to seduce her away from her husband."

"That's not what I want."

"Seriously, enough with this 'normal life' bullshit! That's not what you want either. You need to be honest with yourself about that-"

"I agree, that's not what I want either. God help me I am far too selfish for that." Edward pulled at his hair as he leaned forward. The gesture of a man in pain.

"Then what do you want Edward?" Emmett was uncharacteristically tender.

"I just want her to love me."

Emmett sighed as he leaned forward and gripped Edward's shoulders, forcing eye contact. "She does. You just need to remind her."


	4. Chapter 4

**First of all, thank you so much for following this little story and leaving a review. **

**I'm really happy that you like Mike. I like him to. He is a good man. He isn't hiding secrets. I want this story to be complicated, because life, and love, is. People, and I guess by extension, vampires, make mistakes. Sometimes they hurt the people they love the most. Sometimes they can fix things, and sometimes they can't. I know where this story is going, but I still don't know all the twists and turns we'll take to get there. Thanks to those of you who are interested in coming along.**

**(The only eyes that saw this week's chapter are mine. Please forgive any mistakes).**

* * *

The Cullen's had been in town for a week now. Bella once again felt her life was crumbling around her, but this time it had nothing to do with them. They were about to lose the business, and probably the house. Her not-quite-full-time hours at the library weren't going to be enough to keep them a float. Mike's parents had died uninsured, having cancelled their policies a few years before; one of the many cost saving measures they had quietly undertaken to keep both the store and Mike at university. They had big dreams for him; that he would finish his kinesiology degree and coach somewhere. An early spring hike had put an end to that.

Bella would close the store a few times a week to give Mike a break. They only had a few part time employees now so between the two of them they'd been picking up the slack. It was ten minutes till close and Bella was in the back tidying shelves when the bear bells rang to let her know she had visitors. The hairs on the back of her neck alerted her she should feel danger, but she had a feeling she knew there was nothing to be frightened of. Turning around she smiled at the two vampires that had entered her shop.

"Carlisle, Emmett, nice to see you. What can I help the two of you with? We've got a descent selection of freeze dried camp food, or maybe some jerky?" She smiled at her own lame joke, which Carlisle kindly returned.

"Actually Bella, I came to apologize," as Carlisle began talking Emmett wandered away. "I understand you took me up on the offer to come by the house last week and ran into Edward-"

"Carlisle, please don't apologize for Edward."

"I'm not. I just wanted to apologize for not being there. Esme and I were really looking forward to seeing you."

"Oh." Bella was surprised at that, but mostly she felt awkward at the mention of Edward and that strange day. She longed to talk about something else. That's when she notice the subtle change in the ageless man in front of her. "Carlisle! You've gray around the temples!" She reached her had towards him, but stopped herself. "And you've... Carlisle! You have a receding hair line!" She pulled her suspended hand back and covered her mouth with it. "How?"

Carlisle smiled as he whispered conspiratorially, "And Esme has wrinkles. Very subtle, around her eyes. Now she wears her smiles." Carlisle paused a moment to let that sink in. "It's all smoke and mirrors. And Alice." He winked.

Bella laughed. "Of course! I wondered how Alice had managed to get her short hair into such an elaborate," She waved her hand over her head as she searched, and failed, to find the appropriate word, settling at last on "style."

"Yes, she's had a lot fun with it. We were the only ones that were game. She convinced us we needed to start looking our age." Carlisle chuckled once more, this time at his lame joke.

"What about Edward? He looked so different...older. What did she do to him?"

"Edward? Nothing." Carlisle paused before adding, "he is different though." Carlisle's paused stretched into something that was becoming an uncomfortable silence as he debated saying more. He decided to keep to his original plan. "Anyway, I would like to invite you, more formally this time. Please come by for dinner tomorrow night."

"That's very kind of you Carlisle. You don't need to do that though. I'd just be putting you out."

"No, we would love to see you. Plus there is something we'd like to talk to you about." Carlisle noted Bella's confused expression an added, "Some purchases we would like to make from the store."

"Well in that case," Bella smiled an almost genuine smile, "I'd love to come by. But really, you do not need to make me dinner, that's just silly."

"Esme would have loved to make you something...it's been a while since she's had the opportunity to work in the kitchen. Perhaps another time for the food then. How does seven tomorrow sound?"

"It sounds lovely. I'll be there, it will be nice to talk to you and Esme again."

"Yes, we are looking forward to it." Emmett had wandered back to the front of the store and was standing near the door. Carlisle turned to leave, but hesitated and turned back around. "We're all looking forward to it. Everyone will be happy to see you tomorrow." And with that the bear bells rang out again, the only sound in the store.

Bella stood there a moment longer. What had just happened? A Cullen had respected her wishes and Emmett Cullen didn't say a freaking word. And why did she feel a slight pang of disappointment?

* * *

Bella wiped her sweating palms on her skirt as she willed her hammering heart to slow down, knowing they could all hear her fear. Aware that Jasper could tell them what she was feeling anyway. Bella didn't want them to think she was frightened of them. Her fears were rooted back in the shop, in their failure. Taking a deep breath Bella lifted her hand to knock on the door, her hand meeting air. Just behind where the wood door was a mere moment ago now stood a glowing Esme.

"Bella honey, come through to the dining room we are all waiting for you." As Bella entered the home Esme embraced her, kissing each cheek before she pulled her against her chest, holding her for a moment too long. Bella didn't mind it at all.

"It's so good to see you Esme. So good."

Esme held Bella from her at arm's length, appraising her as a mother would a missed daughter.

"What a beautiful woman you've become dear. Not that I am surprised, mind, but still I am so glad I get to see it."

Taking a risk Bella let her guard down for a moment. "Me too Esme. I know it didn't really take Alice's clairvoyance to see things weren't going to work with Edward and I, but it would have been nice to have seen you from time to time."

Esme looked down at Bella, a sad smile on her face. "It would have been. I always thought of you as a daughter-"

Bella laughed, breaking the moment. "I'm older than you now Esme. Where did you say we were meeting?"

Esme walked Bella to the dining room, giving her husband enough time to clean up the broken chair from Edward's latest tantrum. She wasn't surprised to see he was missing when they entered the room.

When Bella was seated Esme began to describe what they would require of Newton's. Once she mentioned her foundation Bella interrupted.

"The Pacific Northwest Trust?"

The 6 vampire's in the room all turned to Bella in surprise. She giggled, quite proud of herself for managing to startle them so thoroughly.

"Yes, well they were very persistent in putting me through college. Not fair finally getting Charlie involved though."

Carlisle had the grace to look sheepish. "Bella-"

"It's alright Carlisle, I'm over it. I'm not 18 and angry at the world anymore. Thank you. Sincerely, Thank you."

"You're welcome." Carlisle smiled, nodding slightly in Bella's direction. He didn't correct her mistaken belief that Carlisle had put her through school. It was the first he had heard the PNWT had a scholarship program. He assumed correctly that Edward was involved and remained silent on the issue. "Shall we get on to today's business then?"

Esme continued to explain they would like to purchase a large amount of camping equipment which they were going to donate to various organizations across the country along with bursaries to encourage at risk urban youth to experience the great outdoors.

When it came down to the money they were going to spend at the store it was Bella's turn to stare at them in amazement.

"You know." She said, defeated.

Alice smiled. "What's there to know?"

"Seriously Alice? Between your reading the future and your brothers mind reading... You can't just sweep in after ten years to rescue me!" Bella let out a frustrated sigh, trying to calm herself down. "Why don't you just go straight to the suppliers?"

"I can't see your future Bella." Alice said softly.

Esme interrupted, "Bella, we want the store to be our supplier because we strongly believe in supporting independent business. It was a no brainer to come back to Forks and support Newton's. They have been very good to us in the past."

Bella looked around the room. "Excuse me. I need a human moment."

Once in the bathroom Bella hit her palm against the wall and whispered every curse word she knew. Several times. She knew they would be able to hear her breakdown, each frustrated slap, every whispered curse, even the sound of her tears as they rolled off her cheek and splashed down to the marble below her feet. Fleeing to the bathroom simply protected her from having to see them hide their pity.

Bella didn't want to see the irony, that minutes after she had just told Carlisle she was a grown up, grateful for their gift, she was in their bathroom acting like a petulant child. She washed her face, cleaning up the best she could, then gave herself a mental peptalk. This wasn't about her pride. It was about helping Mike succeed. It was about letting their remaining 3 employees keep putting food on the table. This was about not losing their house. It was time to put on her big girl panties and face the Cullens.


	5. Chapter 5

When Bella left the bathroom the Cullens were milling about the house. It helped lend to the illusion that Bella's melt down went unnoticed. Bella ran into Esme in the kitchen where she was putting together a tea tray. As they walked into the formal dining room together the rest of the family, with the exception of one, appeared and entered with them.

Once they got started, it didn't take long for the details to be worked out. This was Emmett's project; he told Bella about the work he'd been doing as a volunteer community football coach in Chicago. How a random comment from a kid about never seeing the big dipper lead him to take a group of them camping and he saw a whole new side to these street smart kids. Bella was moved by this side of Emmett and couldn't help but become genuinely caught up in his enthusiasm. Mike and Bella would supply the Trust with camping supplies for the next year. The bursaries were to be rewarded monthly along with up to $10,000 in equipment. It would buy them time.

"I didn't know you guys went to Chicago." Things had wrapped up, but Bella was enjoying her time with the Cullens. She was curious what they had been up to the past decade. She had heard bits of rumors; Carlisle in LA as a plastic surgeon, Edward burnt out on Wall Street. She knew neither were likely to be true.

"We didn't. Just Em and I. And only last year." Rosalie had been fairly quiet during most of the evening, as had Alice. "The rest of the family were in Wyoming at this point. We just wanted a little escape. Chicago was far enough away, without being too far."

"I have a soft spot for Chicago. I lived there for four years; it's where I did my undergrad. I love what you guys are doing with this. Mike will be so stoked about this project. What you were doing with those kids Emmett? That's exactly what he wanted to do."

The family all smiled quietly at Bella. No one was quite sure what to say next.

"What about you Bella? Tell us about the past ten years." It was Alice who spoke up, which amused Bella.

"Like you don't know." Bella said it lightheartedly enough, but the words still carried a bit of a bite.

"I really can't see you anymore. I thought maybe it was just the distance, but we've been back a week and still nothing. I don't know what to make of this blindness." Alice tried to smile, but this time, it didn't reach her eyes. She had no idea how to interact with Bella anymore. She wanted her best friend back, but the Bella in front of them was so different. Alice felt almost intimidated. She wanted to apologize for the years gone by, but had no idea if that would make things worse. Jasper told her that Bella wasn't feeling as confident as she projected and that maybe the best course of action was to say nothing at all.

"Well, I'm not going to lie, I'm a little relieved." Bella added nothing more about her life and no one pressed her as everyone turned to Edward as he walked into the room. He leaned against a wall, saying nothing.

Bella took the moment to finish her tea and Esme reached across the table to take Bella's other hand. "We did hear about Charlie. I'm so sorry." She squeezed Bella's hand, but didn't let go. She was sorry for so much more than the loss of Charlie.

"Thank you. It was quite a shock. I was just about to start my masters in New York, but when I lost him... I just couldn't. I deferred it for a year. Then I just gave it up."

"What were you studying?" It was Edward who spoke up.

"I was going into Cornell's Master of Professional Studies Program. Information Studies. Now I work at the library, so guess I didn't need it to land my dream job after all." Bella was the only one to smile at her sarcastic joke.

Edward knew why she gave it up. Mike. He couldn't keep the disgust off his face.

As always, Bella misread the reason for his expression. She feared he'd connected the dots. Chicago. Ithaca. She had been looking for any connection to him. "Anyway, I really should be going. Emmett, I'm at the store again tomorrow, if you want to come by when we close at eight we can get started on putting together that equipment."

"Sure Bella, I'll bring a copy of their grant proposal so you can get a better feel for their needs." He shook her hand, then took Rosalie's and they left the room. Bella took a moment to gather her things and when she looked up seconds later, she was alone with Edward.

"Bella, if you have a minute. I'd like to talk with you before you go."

She hesitated a moment, remembering how their last conversation went. She hoped things would go better this time. She could hear them moving around the house, Esme was washing Bella's tea cup in the kitchen. They didn't have to make noise, Bella realized they were doing this to let her know they were still around.

The truth was, she was curious what Edward wanted to say to her. Their first few attempts at conversation hadn't gone well. For either of them. Maybe the third time was the charm.

"Sure Edward, I have time."

He smiled then, and she realized it was the first time she had seen him with a positive expression since his return. He looked towards the kitchen and then back at Bella.

"Why don't we go sit in the family room. It will be more comfortable." He winked at her then and pulled on his ear. Bella was surprised at his playfulness.

From somewhere in the house Emmett bellowed, "We'll give you five minutes, then we'll be back!"

The house was instantly silent. Bella followed Edward out of the dining room. Someone had lit a fire, and she took a spot at the end of the love-seat nearest the warmth. Edward sat at the other end.

"First of all, I'd like to apologize for last week. My behavior was reprehensible and I am truly sorry." At this he turned to Bella, "Not to make excuses, but I wasn't prepared for you to be in our home, and my control slipped."

He was trying to be honest with her. He wanted to tell her everything. The look in her eyes silenced him. For the first time ever, she looked at him with fear.

"Should I be worried now?"

"I don't mean my blood lust. That actually hasn't been a problem at all." It was the first time he articulated it, and he paused a moment to briefly consider why. What Bella heard, was something slightly different.

"Oh well that's good, I'm not your singer anymore. That should make things easier." The words came out of her mouth too fast. She reached for her purse, but knocked it over in her haste. Edward was instantly in front of her, and everything was back where it belonged before she could even reach for it. He put her purse beside her instead of handing it to her.

"That's not what I meant. Please, there's something I want to explain to you. I need you, I mean I would like you, to listen to what I have to say. Please."

Bella said nothing at first, but once again curiosity got the better of her. "Ok, Edward."

With that he returned to his spot at the end of the couch, but this time angled his body so that he was facing her. She mirrored his actions.

Edward took a moment, and then a moment more. Finally he took a deep, unnecessary breath.

"I lied Bella."

And with those words Bella stopped listening. "About what? That you're 17? That you're 28? That you're an investment banker? That you loved me? That you moved to New York? There are so many lies to choose from. What you are is a liar. You are very good at it though."

Edward winced at the truth she uttered among all those lies. "I am. It's a necessity. But you need to know I lied to you in the woods. I loved you. I loved you so much I was willing to walk away, to give you a life I thought you deserved. I was willing to leave you because I loved you that much."

"You loved me so much you decided to break my fragile little girl heart and leave me to my own devices deep in the woods behind my house? Wow Edward, thanks. A girl could only be hope to be loved so much in her life." Bella picked up her purse, this time without spilling its contents, as she stood. "On that note, have a nice life Edward Cullen. Tell the next girl you choose to love so much I wish her luck. She's gonna need it."

Edward rose with Bella, but instead of guiding her to the door he grabbed the purse from her hands and through it back down. "Jesus woman, you need to listen to what I am actually saying. For once in your god damned life just listen to what I am actually telling you." Edward's words were little more than a growl and he was close enough to Bella that her breasts would brush against his chest if she took a deep breath.

Which she did.

"Edward. I listened to what you said that day in the woods. Trust me. I believe the phrase you used was 'I don't want you'. So maybe for once in your god. Damned. Life. You need to listen to what you are actually saying." Bella did not back away from Edward an inch, in fact she moved her face closer to his, in an primal challenge. Additionally she punctuated her sentence with finger jabs to his chest as she spit his own words back at him. "Now you need to back the fuck away so I can meet my husband for dinner."

At that Edward grabbed her wrists.

"You are going to listen to me before I let you go. I was willing to crush myself so that you could have a shot. You have no idea how much I love you; you constantly underestimated my feelings for you. I used that against you. I was willing to leave you because I love you more than you could ever imagine."

As Edward spoke he pulled Bella's hands to his chest, pulling her even closer to him, his grip tightening.

"Are you trying to tell me you loved me the most? That our feelings for each other were some sort of pissing competition and you won?" Bella's voice was little more than a disbelieving whisper.

"I'm trying to tell you that you have no idea how I felt about you. No idea how I feel. I loved you more-"

"Do you want it to be a competition? Do you want to approach this as a seventeen year old boy? You think you loved me more because you were willing to quit? To walk away? To hope I had a nice life without you? Well here is my submission; I loved you more because I was willing to fight for you. I didn't want the easy way. I was willing to risk everything to be with you. You were a pussy and walked away when things got tricky, but I would have fought. I loved you more."

"You would have fought for us? Where is the evidence of that?"

"You never gave me a chance, I had no idea where to find you."

"That's bullshit Bella. You believed my lie at first utterance. I thought I would have to at least convince you. You believed my lie and within the year you had fallen into a dog's bed."

Bella gasped as Edward gripped her even tighter, tears pricked her eyes. "Edward please... you're hurting me."

Edward's hands instantly dropped, "I'm sorry." His body sank down onto the couch. His hands replaced Bella's wrists with his hair, he grabbed it and pulled his head down to his knees. "I just wanted to say sorry. I want to earn a place back in your life. And I keep making it worse. Do you remember what I said to you that day in the woods?" He let go of his hair and looked up, though his body remained slumped to his knees.

"You told me you didn't want me." Bella said as she sat beside him.

"I never said that; you did."

"Excuse me?"

"I was making a mess of it. I was trying to leave you, but the words weren't coming, I couldn't bring myself to actually say the words that would cut you out of my life forever. Each sentence I started I nearly ended with a confession of what I was really trying to do. Then you said it for me."

"Said what? That I didn't want you?"

"No, you just looked at me, completely broken, and said 'you don't want me.' I thought I would have to spend my time convincing you, but you were already there."

"You exploited my greatest insecurity?"

"Do you remember the conversation now? What I said to you after?"

"You said 'no', that you didn't want me."

"I said no. I was still trying to back out of it. I was going to tell you that you had it wrong. I changed my mind a million times that day. But then you calmed down. You had already accepted it. I realized you would move on, you were already starting to move on. It made leaving easier."

"Are you kidding me?" Bella's voice had taken on the same calm that Edward had mistaken for complacency. "Are are fucking kidding me? You are trying to put this on me now? You were going to stay, but what? I was too insecure for you? Is that what you're telling me? You came back 10 years later to rub salt in the wound? Hey Bella," She shifted her voice to a deeper, mocking, register, "remember when I said I didn't want you? What I meant was you were just too insecure for me. If you'd just felt better about yourself, maybe I'd have stuck it out –"

"Stop! Fucking just stop!" Edward brought his hand down on the arm of the couch to emphasize his point, obliterating it in the process. His destruction caused Bella to topple towards him, his confusion allowed him to tumble off the edge of the couch with her on top of him.

"This reminds me of the time you saved my life," she whispered. Her face was inches away, her body pressed against him, her right leg pressed between his two. While one of Edward's arms remained on the floor, the other had wrapped around her in their fall, his hand splayed across the small of her back. The anger in the room had dissipated.

"Which time?" He asked as he smiled crookedly up at her.

"The first time." As she said it, he raised his hand from the floor and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He allowed his fingers to gently caress her ear and neck before twisting his fingers into the tendrils and letting them caress him. Edward delighted in watching her blush deepen, listening as her pulse accelerated.

"How so?"

"It's the only other time I've heard you say fuck."

"I didn't think you had heard that." Edward looked genuinely embarrassed.

"You seem just as confused." Bella's voice was even softer. Edward wondered if she realized she was pressing harder against him, if she knew that she had moved her head towards his. He moved the hand that still hovered between them to rest on her arm.

"That moment changed everything."

"It did." As he watched the tip of her tongue dart out to moisten her lips Edward decided that Emmett was right; Bella Swan was a woman who knew what she wanted. He couldn't miss that this action was accompanied by a quick eye flick to his lips, a slight increase in pressure from her hips. Bella wanted to kiss him. Edward's hand began to move up her arm as he tensed his stomach muscles, slowly lifting his head towards hers. It was the gasp, not from over him, but from behind, that stopped him.


	6. Chapter 6

**First of all thank you again for your support! I'm still blown away that people are reading this. And the recommendations? I'm on the floor. Wow. Thanks!**

**I usually post on Sunday. When I sat down to write the next chapter, this happened instead. I feel like it really belonged with chapter five.**

* * *

Edward used his forward momentum to stand up, pulling Bella with him. He knew without turning around he would find his family had departed. He had a lot of explaining to do.

For now, their moment had passed. Bella appeared to be merely confused, not embarrassed. It was very possible that she had missed Esme's shock.

"Bella-" Edward moved towards her as she took a step away. She put a hand against his chest and took a further step back.

"Edward. Please." He halted his advance. "Thank you for apologizing. You broke my heart that day in the woods. It took me a long time to get over you." He didn't comment about Jacob. She took a deep breath, "I looked for you. For years. That's why I went to Chicago. It's why I was going to Ithaca. After a while, I just couldn't anymore. It was time for me to grow up. I've moved on Edward. I'm married. I... I know both times we've been alone together... I..." At this Bella's face flushed as she both struggled to find words and deal with her embarrassment over her behaviour. "Look, the day in the woods, when you showed me what you really were? You told me everything about you was designed to lure your prey. I'm not your prey. Please stop using your supernatural advantage to lure me in."

He wanted to protest, he opened his mouth to do just that, but what came out was entirely different. "He's just so average. It's all just so... so... generic. This is what you want? Just an average life? You are so amazing, you deserve so much more."

"It's a normal life Edward. This is what I have. A nice, normal, finite life. It's the thing you kept telling me you didn't want to take from me. He's good. He hates violence, he can't even stomach a violent movie. He's kind and he loves me. Read his mind. You'll know that it is true. Since we've been together there has been peace in my life. I don't have to worry about my lover hurting me."

Perhaps it was unkind to point this out to Edward, who had spent his entire Bella filled existence terrified this would be the case. She did not intend to hurt him. She had no idea the depth of his feelings. In their argument he had told her he continued to love her, but she missed his every use of the present tense. Internally Edward died a thousand deaths. His expression gave nothing away. Bella read this as apathy, remembering the last time they had such a serious conversation, years ago, in the woods behind her house. It was that kind of hurt she feared from Edward. She would not break this time. She had no idea she was breaking the boy in front of her.

He said nothing as she walked out of the house.

* * *

As Bella closed the door Esme approached her son and put her arm around his shoulder.

_When you're ready_ she thought.

"I'm sorry about the couch." He answered her out loud. His instinct was to run, but he wanted to stay and to do that, he needed to talk. "We argued, about the things I said to her when I left. She wasn't listening to me. I wasn't doing a good job of explaining myself. I lost my temper."

Esme continued to look at the damaged sofa in front of her. It had been a long time since Edward discussed things with her, and she didn't want to frighten him off with eye contact. She chose her words carefully. "You didn't look like you were arguing when we walked in."

Edward bowed his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. "No. We weren't."

Mother and son stood together in silence for a moment. "She accused me of using my supernatural abilities to lure her in."

"Well, are you?"

He shook his head. "Around her, I'm disarmed. It's not just that I can't read her mind. I tell her things I shouldn't. Things come out of my mouth that I have no intention of saying. When I'm near her, I'm not supernatural." Edward whispered his next words, "I'm just a man."

If Esme could cry, she would have sobbed. She didn't want to push her son, but she feared for him.

_She's married._

The thought slipped through, and ignited Edward's temper. "You think I don't know that? That I don't understand what that means? You heard what she said to me on the way out." Edward paused, gathering his emotions before they all spilled out and he followed them away from Forks forever. "I know what that means. But I also know what we had. I know now that I think I've lost it. I am her mate."

At this declaration Esme took Edward's face between her hands and stood in front of him. It was the first time she had ever heard him voice that he belonged to Bella. "Son. You know that I love you. You know that I will do anything to ensure your happiness, even if I don't agree with the actions you are taking to get there. I love Bella, I do. But I am afraid she is only human. I am terrified she will break your heart again. She is the only thing in this world that could break you in two. You won't get over losing her a second time."

Edward let his mother embrace him. He knew she was right. He had the same fear.


	7. Chapter 7

In the decade since the Cullens left her, Bella, like many women, had developed the handy coping strategy of shoving her emotions deep inside where they were left to fester away into oblivion. It was a good thing she was so skilled at it now. Edward's return opened a little fissure in her life that she didn't know how to deal with. So she ignored it. Thinking about the feelings raised during her time with Edward wouldn't prepare her to go and tell her husband that the family of the once-love-of-her-life were rescuing them. Instead, she turned the radio on, careful not to listen to any words, and began to create a potential inventory for the newly developed Pacific Northwest Trust's Take It Outside program.

Bella pulled into their driveway to see the lights were on inside. When she entered Mike greeted her at the door with a kiss. "Hey baby, I closed up a little early tonight. Thought I would make you dinner."

"It smells delicious. Thank you darling. I must have known, I stopped off and got us a bottle of wine." She kissed him again. "What can I do to help?"

"Nothing. Actually, wait here, don't move." He grabbed the bottle from her hands and raced off to the dining room before dashing back in to stand before her. "Now." He said grabbing the edges of her open trench coat and pulling her into him. He smiled as he rubbed his nose gently alongside hers. "I have thought of one thing." He teasingly kissed her lips, gently tugging them with his own and then pulling away, only to return and feel her tongue brush against his lips. He pulled back and grabbed her hand. "Come on, before we get caught up and ruin it."

Mike led Bella into the candle filled dining room, he kissed her one more time before pulling the chair out for her.

"Ummm...am I forgetting something? Is this a special occasion?"

"No, I just wanted to do something nice."

"Oh! Well, I think I could make this a special occasion." Mike sat down as Bella spoke, then grinned at her and comically wiggled his eyebrows. "Not that!" He responded the her exclamation by dropping his face into an exaggerated pout, which Bella laughed at. "Well, yes that, but later, that's not what I mean now. I have news. Good news."

"I get it later? That is good news."

"Stop it," she laughed, "you're incorrigible and I'm trying to be serious. The Cullens came by the store the other day." That was enough to get Mike's attention. "They run a charity that helps underprivileged kids, the same one that funded the library, it's going to provide grants and equipment to get kids outside. They've chosen us to be their supplier Mike!"

"Bella that's great!" Mike's smile was genuine, but he didn't feel quite as enthusiastic as Bella. "Is it for Forks kids?" Mike was running numbers in his head, trying to figure out how much equipment a group of kids from Forks would need, would it buy them a month?

"Mike, the contract is for a year. Once a month for a year they are going to buy $10,000 worth of equipment from us!"

Mike dropped his fork. "$10, 000? A month?"

"A month! Isn't that amazing!"

"It's something." Mike was cautious. The Cullen family coming back to town hadn't really bothered him all that much. Her relationship with Edward was seldom discussed. The few times it was brought up she was very dismissive, laughing it off as a silly high school thing. Mike always let her act like it was nothing. He remembered what had happened to her when Edward left. The one time he pressed her on it she told him that it wasn't just losing Edward, but losing her best friend, and people she thought of as family. She assured him it was just her immaturity, she was barely 18, and didn't have the skills to cope with being dumped by her first love. Bella said she had gotten over it while at University and that was good enough for him.

But Mike had always resented Edward. He could never quite shake his first impression, especially when it came to Edward with Bella. He didn't think their relationship was a typical high school romance. He remembered Edward's possessiveness, the way he looked at her like she was something to be devoured. When Bella told them they had never slept together, that they hadn't done much together at all, he didn't believe her at first. The way the two of them acted in high school, he always assumed they spent every moment they could going at it.

"What's wrong Mike? This is amazing! This is going to get us out of the hole. It's so much better than another bank loan."

"I know Bella, it is. And I really appreciate that you went to all that effort to secure it, but why am I only hearing about this now?"

"It just happened now."

"So, you just bumped into them in town, and they said 'here, take this lump of cash every month.' I don't think that's what happened." Mike was uncharacteristically sarcastic. "I don't understand why you would keep this from me."

Bella was shocked. This was the closest to a fight the two of them had ever been. "They came by the store yesterday and told me about it. I went up to their place tonight to hear their plan. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to get your hopes up. I'm sorry. I wanted to do something to help you." Bella wanted the words she was saying to be the truth, but the further opening of that little fissure deep down whispered liar. Instead of acknowledging it, Bella became defensive. "I thought you would be happy about this!"

"Hey baby," Mike reached over and grabbed her hand. "Of course I am. I'm just suspicious of what they want. That's a pretty generous gesture." Mike decided he didn't want to talk about the shop anymore, but he wasn't quite ready to drop the subject of the Cullens. He looked at Bella carefully while she took a bite of her salad. "So, your truck's running really well this week." He continued to watch her as her eyes flew to his.

"It died last week, on my day off, the day of that crazy downpour. I was running some errands and it broke down. I ran into Rosalie and Emmett. He told me he would take care of it and she drove me around town while I finished what I needed to do. When I got home, the truck was here. I figured Emmett got a boost, maybe got me an oil change and brought it back." Bella told herself she was lying because she didn't want to fight with Mike. He was obviously upset that she didn't tell him she had spent time with them, she didn't want to hurt him further by letting him know that she had dropped by a week ago. She didn't think he would like to hear that she was alone with Edward. Mike wasn't the only person she was lying to.

"Why didn't you tell me that?"

"Really Mike, I didn't think it was a big deal. I'd been ignoring that engine light for a while, you know that. We didn't have the money to get it looked at. Emmett was good with cars, he didn't seem to mind helping me out-"

"Bella," Mike interrupted, "I looked under the hood. There's a whole new engine in there." Mike continued to watch her, the stunned look on her face told him that this was news to her. "Why are they doing this? What do they want in return?"

"I don't know. Maybe Emmett wanted to do something nice, to make up for the past." Bella tried to shrug it off and return to her dinner.

"I don't know babe. I never understood your relationship with them, you know that. I know they were like a family to you, just be careful with them." Mike decided to take a risk by being honest with Bella. "I don't want to open old wounds, but I'm not sure they felt the same way. Dr. Cullen seemed like a nice man, and it was great he took them all in when they were orphaned. But honey, I'm not sure he took you in the same way. I'm a little apprehensive. They seem to be awfully interested in you all of a sudden."

"It's not all of a sudden." Bella whispered. "The organization that ran my scholarship is the same organization that is awarding these grants. It's Carlisle's foundation. He's quietly been looking out for me all this time." a tear escaped that Bella quickly dashed away. "I just found out tonight."

Mike knew that his wife had a deep need to be cared for that she never expressed. He tried his best, but he knew he couldn't be everything to her. He couldn't be the parent she lost, or the one she never really had. While he wanted to be happy that Bella could find a family again, he selfishly didn't want Edward to be a part of that. "Bella, love, I'm sorry that it's just us, and that it's just been us for so long. I want nothing more than to have a family with you, and I know that isn't in the cards for us. But just be careful with them ok? I'm not worried about Edward," he lied, "but I am worried about the rest of them. I don't think they realized what they meant to you. I'd hate for them to move away again, and for you to lose that parental relationship once more." He reached over once again and squeezed her hand. He wasn't usually so open with Bella with things that may hurt her feelings and he was eager to drop the subject now he'd said what he felt she needed to hear. "Now come on, we've got to eat this dinner so we can get to that 'later' you promised me."

* * *

After dinner, and the promised 'later,' Mike held Bella in his arms. She rested her head in the crook of his shoulder and absentmindedly ran her fingers over his chest. These were the little moments Mike savoured. He felt her shift and he rolled over to look at her.

"I'm sorry about before. I didn't handle your good news very well." Mike couldn't keep his hands off Bella, he bent the hand under her head to play with her hair, his other hand wandered up and down her arm.

"It's ok. Really, I should have told you. I just didn't think it would be a big deal, I had no idea what was going to turn into."

"Bella, think about what we can do with this money. Maybe we can get the debts paid off, save a little even."

"You could go back to school Mike."

"You could go back too, finish up your masters. Or we could-"

"We could run off to a deserted island..." Bella interrupted.

"I like that idea. Hmm..." Mike grabbed Bella and pulled her closer, "We could make love all morning, lie on the beach, our sweaty bodies sparkling in the sunlight..."

And then, for the briefest of moments, a look passed across Bella's face. Mike saw it and was reminded of a time a few years ago, just before they were engaged. The truck had died on his way home and he had walked the rest of the way, though he was unprepared to be outside in the cold. Once he walked through the door he could hear music blaring from their bedroom, and followed it to find a freshly showered and unaware Bella folding laundry in her underwear, her back to Mike. He quietly moved behind her and wrapped his freezing arms around her waist. He had expected her to squeal, give him a playful punch and laugh it off. Instead she silently whipped around and the pure joy left her face for just a second. She looked at Mike as though she was disappointed, perhaps even devastated, it was him. But then she smiled again and it almost lit up her face. Almost.

It was such an unremarkable moment for Mike he would have forgotten it if it hadn't been for what happened that night as she slept. Her soft crying had woken him. He tried to comfort her though she was still sleeping. As he shushed her and gently brushed away the tears she had sighed Edward's name.

Before he had time to contemplate his memories, Bella's mouth was hungrily on his, she pushed him on his back. All thoughts of Edward Cullen, or the new possibilities opened by his family, left Mike's mind.


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm asking you to trust me here.**

**It's important to remember that things left unsaid** **are often more revealing than the things we do say, It's impossible to know the truth when you don't have the whole story, and just because we assume something to be true, doesn't mean that it is.**

* * *

"I'm really happy that you decided to stay and meet with them." Bella and Mike were finishing up with the nightly routine in the store. It took some prodding, but Mike finally agreed he should be a part of this. Bella tried to convince him by telling him about Emmett's work with at risk youth, hoping he would feel some deeper connection to this project. Mike kept to himself the resentment that Emmett was getting to fulfill Mike's dream job, and Emmett was able to do it in a much more significant way.

As Mike went to his office to deposit the cash float into the safe, three Cullens entered the shop. Emmett and Carlisle Bella expected. Edward, she did not. This made her nervous, she hadn't thought of the possibility of Mike and Edward interacting. She was afraid of so many things, but the thought of him accessing Mike's private thoughts concerned her the most. Then she remembered her invitation yesterday: _read his mind. _ She had told him to verify he was a good man and worthy of Bella. He was making good on her request. "Please don't..." she wanted to say _make a scene_, but thought that sounded too harsh and was likely to cause one, "make things awkward." Bella's request was little more than a whisper.

"I won't. I could leave, if that would make you more comfortable." He wanted to prove to her that he could be near her without losing his mind, but knowing Mike was here made him rethink his idea.

"You can stay." Bella was pleased that he was willing to leave to make things better. She saw this as a sign that perhaps things could improve between them. She stepped back to address the three of them, "Come on back to Mike's office. You can go through the grant with him there, I've got some things to finish up here first."

While Emmett won Mike over with his genuine enthusiasm, Edward and Carlisle remained quiet. Carlisle, who was skilled at reading his son, watched him grow increasingly agitated. He assumed Mike's thoughts were the cause; he was partially correct. It was a single thought Mike had when seeing Edward for the first time that he was aching to ask Bella about. For the most part Edward had managed to stay out of Mike's mind; he was too lost in his own. Carlisle correctly sensed that it was time to get Edward away.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Edward and I have another appointment we need to get to. Mike." Carlisle reached out and clasped his hand, "It was good seeing you. I'm looking forward to our continued partnership." Edward didn't approach the desk, but gave a vague wave on his way out of the office. Emmett looked up from the paper work and gave Edward a not at all subtle thumbs up.

* * *

"Are you two leaving?" Bella looked up from the shelf she was tidying as an act of procrastination rather than necessity. She wasn't ready to be in a room with Mike and Edward.

"Yes, we have somewhere we need to get to." Carlisle could feel the tension rolling off Edward beside him. He knew why he had asked to come along, and truthfully, he had lasted longer with Mike than Carlisle expected. _You've done well son, say goodbye and then we can talk about it away from here_.

"Why does Mike think I'm the reason you can't have kids?" Carlisle closed his eyes in frustration. He sensed this wasn't going to go well for Edward.

Bella's eyes grew wide, and then angry. "I am not discussing that with you!"

"The minute I walked into his office, that's what he thought about. Bella, why does he think I'm the reason you had a hysterectomy?" This information shocked Carlisle also. A hysterectomy performed on such a young woman was unusual and extreme; why would Edward be to blame?

"Oh my god." Bella put her hand over her face, she was mortified.

"Did you have a hysterectomy because of me?" Edward was whispering, aware that Mike was in the other room. His tone conveyed only his confusion, there was nothing accusatory in his question.

"Look, I'm not going to talk to you about this. But no, I did not have a hysterectomy. Not because of you or anyone else."

"He was pretty explicit in his thoughts in that matter. You don't have a uterus. He thinks that's my fault."

"I will say again: I'm not talking to you about this."

"Bella-"

"I'll talk to Carlisle ok? Not to you. This isn't something I want to discuss with you. It's a medical issue."

"Are you ok?" Edward's tone was pleading now.

"I'm fine, I promise. I'll tell you this: I don't want kids, and I can't have them anyway." Bella kept to herself that as far as Mike knew, seventeen year old Bella came home from the 'accident' in Phoenix unable to have children.

* * *

Carlisle said nothing to Edward as they left the store together. He didn't need to. He didn't censor his disappointment at Edward's outburst. They got into Carlisle's current ride, a Mercedes S Class Coup, a hand-me-down from Rosalie who decided she wanted something a little sportier.

"That's not how I was hoping to walk out." Edward spoke up, disturbing their silence.

"You were so close." Carlisle said lightly. There was no point in berating Edward, he was the master at doing it to himself.

"I was surprised. I have no idea why he would blame me for that. The Lord knows there's so much more he could blame me for. And thank me." He added wryly. "I'm worried there's something wrong with her. If she doesn't come to see you, do you think you could still talk to her?"

"I'll see what I can do."

They were pulling up their long driveway as Carlisle made a tenuous commitment to seek out Bella if she didn't come by within the week. When they got out of the car, Edward made no move towards the house.

"I need to hunt."

"You're coming back?"

"Yes. I just need some time alone to compose my thoughts. I need to go and explain myself to her. I've done a shit job of that so far." It was unusual for him to curse, especially around his father. There was just no other way he could think to describe his conduct so far.

He spent the night satiating his thirst and thinking about the things he needed to say to Bella. He needed to be far more collected than he had been so far. He was contemplating how he would accomplish this when he detected Rosalie nearby. He stopped running and waited for her to catch up.

"Emmett told me about the meeting." There was never any preamble with her.

"Are you here to mock me? Rub it in." He had so much work to do on his self-control.

"You don't get to take it out on me."

"You're right, I'm sorry." He turned to look at her.

"Actually he said, all things considered, you didn't freak out too much."

"Rose, I don't know how to be around her. The loss of control I always feared? I keep hurting her, and any chance we have, every time I open my mouth."

"I have some advice, if you're willing to hear me out."

He remained silent, but nodded.

"Oh you are desperate." She teased him. "Do you remember what it was like before her?"

"Lonely."

"I know. I remember what it was like for me, before Emmett. Compared to you I was alone for a blink of an eye. But do you remember anything else?"

Again he remained silent, but this time shook his head.

"While you did tend to be a bit morose, you weren't always. You were actually quite funny. In that dark, sarcastic way you have. You were interested in things. You were passionate about music and learning. Remember the fifties? You immersed yourself in poetry and philosophy and we teased you about the beret you took to wearing?"

Edward let out a self deprecating half laugh as he put his head down in embarrassment.

"And then you met Bella. It was intense and passionate and full of psychological torment. Again I can't imagine what it would be like to love Emmett like I do and not be able to physically express it. And to fear losing him with each passing minute? I don't know how you endured it. I know that I was a bitch about it. But it wasn't because I didn't want to see you happy. It was because I didn't want to see you like this." Rose stepped closer and took his face in her hands, her thumbs swiped at his cheeks as if clearing away his invisible tears. "Try and find the person you used to be. That's who she fell in love with."

"Do you really think it will bring her back?"

"I don't know Edward, but it might bring you back."

* * *

After deciding and then changing her mind several times, Bella found herself pulling into a parking space near Forks General on her day off. She wasn't sure yet if she was going to tell Carlisle everything, but she wanted some answers for herself. She knew Carlisle would be able to give them. She hoped he could do that without giving away secrets she wanted to keep.

She quickly found his new office after inquiring at reception. He was waiting for her at his door.

"Alice?" Bella still wasn't convinced she wasn't being watched.

Carlisle just shook his head, and tapped his finger to his nose. "Come on in, I suspect I know what you would like to discuss with me." He closed the door behind her and moved to sit behind his desk. Bella grabbed his arm as he walked by her, stopping him.

"Before I say anything, are you able to keep thoughts away from Edward? I don't want him to know what we say in here. I need you to keep doctor-patient confidentiality." Carlisle was concerned at the slightly wild look in Bella's eyes. She was obviously desperate.

"Yes, over the years I've developed ways to keep some thoughts to myself." Instead of moving to behind his desk, Carlisle sat down in the chair closest to where he currently stood. He pointed at the chair beside him, "Please, have a seat. I promise you I will keep this between the two of us."

"Thank you." She sighed the words as she sat down.

"Your husband thinks you had a hysterectomy?" He figured he would get straight to the point before she got skittish and changed her mind.

"Yes."

"But you didn't."

"No." She murmured.

Carlisle's curiosity was peaked, but he refrained from asking about Edward's involvement.

"Do you know why he thinks that?"

"Because that's what I told him, before we were married. Before we were dating even. I had no way to explain that I couldn't have kids, so I just said that. It's true enough."

"Bella, I'm confused. Why can't you have kids? Why is saying you had a hysterectomy 'true enough'?"

Bella didn't answer right away. When she came here she wasn't sure how much she would tell Dr. Cullen. But sitting in his office she knew she had a chance to confirm what she had suspected for a long time. She decided to start at the beginning. "My periods stopped around prom. They were always irregular. I didn't notice that I never had one until after Edward left. In the beginning, I just chalked it up to stress. I wasn't eating, I was a mess. As I got better, they never came back."

"Bella have you ever seen a doctor about this?"

"No."

"Bella, this can be a sign of something significant. I'm sure you know that. Have you not menstruated once in ten years?"

"Not once."

"Is this about your aversion to hospitals? I need to do some tests. We can do them here, I can probably bring what I need to get started up here, rule some things out at least."

"I never get sick. I haven't had a cold or flu or infection. Nothing. In ten years."

"Bella, just because you are seemingly healthy doesn't mean that-"

"Edward mentioned he doesn't struggle with blood lust around me anymore." Bella interrupted, "It doesn't sing to him like it used to."

Carlisle tilted his head while he thought about why Bella would bring that up now. She looked at him expectantly, like she was waiting for him to put something together. They continued to stare at each other until Bella sighed.

"I didn't go to a regular doctor because I was afraid." She held her arm out to him, palm up. "Is it different?" Carlisle reached over and held her forearm, he didn't lift her sweater up, but he brought his nose down to the part of her wrist that was exposed. She smelled like Bella.

Then his eyes widened, he couldn't disguise it and her fears were confirmed. It was incredibly subtle, even with his superior nose he barely detected it.

"You smell it don't you?"

"It's very faint. If I wasn't looking for it, I would never have noticed. I don't know what this means. How long have you suspected?"

"After Edward left, I'm sure you heard, I was with Jacob. You know Jacob Black, Ephrim Black's grandson? Not long into our relationship he changed." Bella didn't need to explain the change, Carlisle's shocked expression let her know he understood.

"He wasn't the first, was he?"

"No, but he was the last."

"But Bella, what does that have to do with this?"

"While I was away at school I got to thinking. I just thought it was strange, why he would change when there were no vampires around? Why he was the only one to change after you left? There was something that he would say to me, at first I just thought it was jealousy. But I started putting things together, I thought maybe there was something more to what he was saying, something that we didn't realize at the time."

"What did he say Bella?" Carlisle was sure he knew the answer, he just needed Bella to confirm it.

"He told me that he could still smell Edward on me. He said I smelled like a vampire."

Even though he knew what she was going to say, the calm way she told him stunned Carlisle. Then her panic kicked in.

"Carlisle, you have to keep this to yourself. Please, I don't want anyone to know."

"But Bella, I wonder what this means? Let me do some tests."

"Please, nothing much has happened since that year. It's just my periods stopped, and I have very good immunity. I can still get hurt. Even my sleep hasn't changed. I feel the same, honest. I have a theory though: I think when James bit me, my system started to react to the venom. And Edward pulled it out and it stopped. I think it may have worked like a vaccination."

Carlisle was stunned by what Bella was saying, the scientist in him wanted to experiment, but the father in him gathered her in his arms when she started to cry.

"I guess it was a good thing Edward left. We couldn't have stayed human and vampire forever. Eventually I would have begged someone to change me. And then what? When it didn't work?"


	9. Chapter 9

Bella was checking inventory in the stock room when she heard the bells ring to alert her she had a customer. It was a habit that drove Mike crazy. He thought she should lock the front door if she was leaving the main shop but Bella was reluctant to turn a potential customer away. Her quick scan of the cash drawer when she came in told her she didn't want to turn away their first customer of the day. She put her clipboard down and headed back through the doors to the store. She was startled to find Edward browsing the book selection near the front.

"Hello." She spoke first and he lifted his head to smile at her. "Can I help you?"

"No, I've got everything I need here." He waved his right hand, his long fingers curled around three books. He walked towards the cash desk so Bella followed.

She picked the books up and read them out loud as she scanned them, "_Cougar: Ecology and Conservation; Forest Cats of North America; River-Walking Songbirds & Singing Coyotes: An Uncommon Field Guide to Northwest Mountains._ Are you kidding?" She raised her eyebrows and looked at him expectedly.

He raised his hands, "This may have started as a ruse to see you"

"Ya think?" She replied sarcastically. "Well, here I am." She stopped his transaction and crossed her arms.

"But now I want the books."

"Are you serious?"

"I still want to see you, but I would also like to buy these books."

"Do you need a hand with your hunting?" Bella's face relaxed and she let out a small laugh.

"No, I just..." Edward's hand moved to fidget with the back of his neck, "I haven't read anything in a while..."

Bella laughed again, "Are you trying to put yourself to sleep? Because, despite what I've heard about you guys, this might be the way to do it." He said nothing more and she continued to quietly laugh while she totalled his order.

Once Bella had handed him his change and his package, he continued to stand at her counter, hesitant to ask anything of her, but not yet willing to leave. "Is this the seeing me part?" Her words came out softly. She was unsure why he was still hanging around. She really hoped he wasn't going to ask anymore about her uterus.

"I know I don't deserve your time. You don't owe me anything. But I think I owe you an explanation that isn't shouted at you. Could I take you across the street for a coffee?"

"That's not a good idea." Although Edward wasn't surprised at her answer, he was still disappointed. She continued to speak. "This is a small town. And we haven't done a very good job at not shouting at each other."

Edward didn't want to give up. "I thought going somewhere public would keep the shouting at bay. Perhaps you could just storm out when I inevitably say something stupid?" This time Edward raised his eyebrows at her, his hand returned to fidget nervously at his neck.

Bella looked past Edward, through the window outside. She didn't recognize the car, but knew it had to belong to a Cullen. "Is that yours?"

"It's what I drove here, yes."

"I'll tell you what, take your car home, I can close up in a few. Mike's office has a window. I'll open it; I'm sure you'll find a way to get in. I can meet you up there in fifteen minutes." He looked so vulnerable she felt like she needed to take him up on his offer. In the time since their argument some of his words had trickled into her consciousness. There were things she needed to say to him now too.

* * *

Bella walked into Mike's office, cash bag in hand, to find Edward sitting across from Mike's desk. It wasn't the first time he had been in the room, he had stood near the door with Carlisle last week, but now it was the first time he had been in it with Bella. Memories of Mike and Bella on the desk morphed into fantasies of Bella and Edward.

"Hey! You're a little early." She was slightly breathless from running up the stairs, hoping to finish her nightly routine before Edward arrived. "I've just got to lock this away and then I'm done." She tossed the bag into the bottom drawer of an ancient filing cabinet. She turned the key at the top, but left it in there before moving to the chair behind the desk.

He wanted to comment on the lack of a safe for the money, but had enough sense to hold his tongue. "Hello. Thanks for agreeing to meet with me." Best to start with something neutral.

She smiled briefly, then looked away for a moment. When her eyes moved back to him she once again looked serious. "I think we should set some house rules." He nodded. "Number one: No shouting." With that she smiled once again, and this time he returned it. "Number two," she paused and took a deep breath, "I will listen this time. I thought about some of the things you said to me at your house. I twisted your words with my anger and I'm sorry."

"You aren't the one who should be apologizing for that night. I was out of line. I've been working on my self control when it comes to conversing with you."

"Maybe we should agree that we have a lot to say to each other, and it's probably best if we only tackle a little at a time?"

"That may be for the best." He realized it also allowed for them to be alone together more than this once.

"So," she leaned back in the chair, "what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Leaving you."

"I figured as much." The smile was gone.

"And coming back."

She raised an eyebrow at that statement. "Maybe we should start at the beginning. Why did you go?"

"Leaving you was wrong. I was frightened of losing you, so I left instead. I realize what I did to you was the most cowardly way to go about trying to protect you. What I said to you the other night, about changing my mind a million times? All of that was the horrible truth. It didn't take me long to regret my actions. Actually, I regretted them instantly. I know I will never be able to properly explain why I thought it was a good idea. I don't know myself. It didn't take me long to realize I needed to come back to you."

"But you didn't."

"I did."

Bella blinked in surprise and leaned slightly forward. He forced himself to keep eye contact, despite the hint of cleavage that her new position afforded a glance of.

"I lasted five months and then I needed to be with you. Being separated from you was impossible. It was physically painful-"

"It was like I had been split in two and then forced to keep existing." She whispered, not able to keep it to herself.

He closed his eyes and nodded. "Exactly." He paused, uncertain for a moment whether to continue or to start apologizing again. "I went to our meadow first. Do you know what I could smell?"

Bella had a feeling she knew the answer, but shook her head anyway.

"You. You had been there since I left." She nodded. "But you didn't go alone, did you?" Edward was never sure if Bella, Laurent and the wolves had ever been together at the same time, but he thought he would feign confidence.

"I went alone. I wasn't alone for long."

"Yes, I could tell there were others there. What happened?"

"I was looking for that place. Looking for you," She glanced over at him and he nodded for her to continue. "It was winter, so everything was dead. It was so symbolic... and then Laurent showed up...and then the wolves did..." She saw Edward stiffen, and this time guessed correctly at what upset him. "I was fine. It was over so quickly. And that was that. No more vampires in Forks. Well, until recently - or so I thought." She gestured in his direction. "You said you wanted to come back for me, and then you went there. What changed your mind?" Bella added up the months, but she still wasn't with Jacob five months after Edward left.

"I arrived, just behind Victoria. Her scent was fresh, so I followed her. I needed you to be safe. I thought if I captured her, I could return to you and we could...that things would work out."

Bella went white at the mention of Victoria. The wolves had told her that she showed up on the reserve and they killed her just like they took out Laurent. She had no idea that Victoria had been around earlier. She wondered if the boys knew and had kept it from her. She had no idea the things the wolves had kept from her.

"So I chased her. For months. My brothers helped. We caught her in Seattle in June."

"Did she get away?"

"In Seattle? No, we destroyed her."

"With the wolves?"

"No." He looked confused, "Why would the wolves be there?"

"They told me they killed her. That she showed up and they killed her."

Edward sighed. He knew Carlisle had alerted the wolves to Victoria's presence and subsequent demise. He should have known they would take credit for the kill.

"No. That was the three of us."

"Why would they lie?" Now it was Bella who was confused.

"I'm guessing they didn't want you to worry about her. But they also didn't want you to know about my involvement."

"So is that why you didn't come back? She reminded you of the danger of your world?"

"No. I came back. The night of your prom."

"Oh." Bella breathed out as she realized that was how he would have found out about her and Jacob.

"Yeah." Edward nodded, then looked at her sadly. "I saw you."

"You did?"

"You were beautiful. As always. I chased you through the minds of your friends. I learned you were with Jacob. But when I saw you together..."

"Dog's bed" Bella whispered.

"I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

Bella nodded, but said nothing. She played with a loose thread on her cargo pants as she debated what to say next. Edward waited patiently.

"I will tell you about Jake. Not because I feel like I owe you an explanation, but because I want you to understand. That is, if you want to know?" She held his eyes while he gave her a slight nod. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees as he pressed his finger tips together.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. For some reason she couldn't look at him while she confessed. "I fell apart when you left. I don't know if you know how much. I did nothing. I still don't even really remember the first few months. And even when I started coming out of that emotional coma, I was a mess. Jacob was a good friend. Eventually, people thought I started to get better, but it felt like a mask. I only seemed to get better. I was still having nightmares. I was still chasing your ghost. Until it nearly killed me. When I say that Jake saved my life, I'm being literal. I jumped into the ocean from a high cliff. I said I was doing it for the rush, but I don't know..." She heard a strangled sound come from Edward's direction, but she kept her eyes closed. "He pulled me out. Resuscitated me." Another sound came from Edward, but still she didn't look. "He saved my life. And then a few days later, I gave in to his advances because I wanted him to save the rest of me." She moved her hand to wipe the tear she felt escape; it had been a long time since she revisited those memories. Edward's fingers were cool against her skin as he beat her to it. She kept her eyes closed, not wanting to face him just yet, she had never been that honest about her jump with anyone before. She missed him press her tear to his lips.

"I thought you were gone for good. I was so empty. I needed to try and fill that void." She opened her eyes to see that he had returned to the chair across from her. "I want to say that I am sorry for not waiting for you. But where would this have gone? I was hurt, but maybe you were right. Maybe-"

"It is the greatest mistake of my life."

"But maybe, eventually, I would have left you. You weren't going to change me. Sooner or later we would have seemed a little off. Sure, we still look the same age now, but after a while I would surpass the cougar label and head straight into paedophilic. And it's not like you could have been with me... it would be like asking a heroin addict to use but not get high. I get it. This is the natural course of things Edward. Where would we have ended up? Eventually chaste kisses would lose their appeal. What then? In our few months together I was growing frustrated at constant rejection. I couldn't have lived a life like that...you said you loved me passionately, but kissed me with only slightly more fervour than a brother kisses his sister. It would have driven me insane, I never felt like I was enough, your words may have contradicted me, but your actions told another story."

"I made so many mistakes, I see them now. Maybe I would have seen them sooner."

Bella smiled sadly at him. "Maybe."

"What happened with Jake? Did you break up to go to school?" He knew he had no right to ask her about him, but he wanted to know what happened.

"I still couldn't get over you. I think he knew that's why I was going to Chicago. Eventually he explained imprinting - it's wolf soul mate juju - he didn't imprint on me. It just seemed pointless to keep trying. I loved an immortal boy vampire. I tried to love an immortal boy werewolf. After a while it became ridiculous. I had to say goodbye to my Peter Pan fetish and grow up. I couldn't spend my life pining after seventeen year old boys."


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you. **

**Nicffwhisperer - thanks for the shout out at the Lemonade Stand**

**Camilla10 and Raum - thanks for the recommendation at the FicSisters.**

**Mina Rivera - thanks for the lovely banner to go with that recommendation**

**Sri - thanks for your support and your help on this chapter. I'm really hoping to get another one out for your birthday.**

**Everyone else, if you've said something lovely that have sent people my way, thank you. Let me know so that I can thank you personally. **

**Where we left off: "After a while it became ridiculous. I had to say goodbye to my Peter Pan fetish and grow up. I couldn't spend my life pining after seventeen year old boys."**

* * *

_I could be the man that you need_

The words died on his lips.

Could he? Did he know the kind of man Bella needed? Could he be a man? Her man?

He remained silent while he thought of Rosalie's advice. He was a shell of a boy. He had less to offer Bella than he did a decade ago. She always felt below him even though he had put her on a pedestal; but truly, they had been equals. They were learning to fall in love together, to grow together. But he couldn't see it at the time. All he knew was that she was fragile and human and he could destroy her at any moment they were together. And then he destroyed the both of them by deciding to be always apart.

But that wasn't even true.

He had destroyed himself. He had destroyed _them_. But he hadn't destroyed her. He had listened, really listened this time, to what she had to say to him. She had felt just like he did in the beginning. But she picked herself up and moved forward. In front of him was a woman he recognized, but he didn't know.

"Edward?"

"Hmmmm?" He was still contemplating how to reconcile this epiphany: this woman was still his everything and he was a nothing but a boy.

"You're lost in thought."

"I'm lost. Yes." Rosalie was right. He needed to come back. Really come back.

"Edward?"

"Yes?" This time he looked at her. She was standing up. When did that happen?

"I think maybe that's it for tonight. We've said quite a bit. Maybe we understand each other a little more now." She looked towards the window, "I need to get home."

"Yes, home. I need to come home - go home - too." He corrected himself. "Sorry, I'm still," he paused and waved his fingers around his head, "in here. Thank you for tonight. I'd like to be able to talk to you again. I think there's more to say to each other. Maybe," he hesitated once again, "we could become friends?"

"Maybe." She gestured to the window. "For now, I need to lock up." She kept her distance as she followed him to the window, stopping when he did, leaving a large space between them. It was a deliberate calculation; being near him had always been when things fell apart. They had made progress tonight and she didn't want to undo it.

"Edward!"

He was just about to jump, both feet were on the window sill. He leaned back inside.

"Same time next week. I'll leave the window open."

Despite all the things he heard tonight that broke his heart, her invitation left him hopeful.

xxx

A quiet morning in the library had left Bella with time to think. Once she arrived home the night before, she was able to let go of the conversation with Edward. Mike was a good distraction. A clear head and a quiet space the following morning allowed for contemplation. By noon Bella had a list of questions she needed answers to immediately. A quick word with her supervisor, and she had secured the afternoon off, agreeing to stay the full day instead of just tomorrow morning.

By one Bella was standing on a porch she hadn't been on in a long time, being hugged by a very pregnant friend. "Bella! Long time no see!"

"Hi Vanessa, is your husband around? I checked the main garage and it was closed, I wondered if he was home for lunch."

"He's here. We're expecting this little one any day now." She beamed as she placed both hands on her belly. "He figured he'd take some time off, get things ready. And this way he figured he'd be nearby if I needed anything."

"Like someone to answer the door?" Bella joked.

Vanessa leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, "Between you and me I think he wanted to be nearby in case your old friends had a change of diet."

"I can hear you two in here you know! Send her down! I'll put her to work."

"You came on the wrong day Bella, he's painting the nursery. He won't let me in there. He's not kidding when he says he's putting you to work."

Bella looked down at her white blouse and pale blue skirt. "Do you mind if I pull him away for a couple of minutes? I'm not really dressed for manual labour."

"Can you take him out of the house? I could do without him singing along to the radio for a while. Jake honey!" Vanessa turned away from Bella to yell in the house, "Grab a couple of beers from the fridge and take Bella for a walk."

"Already on it." Jake appeared behind his wife. She tilted her head up as he went by and they exchanged the kind of kiss choreographed simply by time spent together. He handed Bella a beer as they started walking to his garage.

"Dude it's one in the afternoon."

"Bella, I've been working on my baby's room all day. It's beer o'clock. If you don't want it, I'll take it."

"No, I think I'm going to need this one too." She took a swig to prove her point. "You're glowing by the way."

"Huh?"

"You've got that pregnancy glow. I've never seen you so happy."

"Thanks." He bent over to lift up his garage door and the two walked to the plastic chairs he had set up in his minimal man cave. In reality it only existed as a meeting point for the wolves. He had a general aversion to being away from his wife. Once Bella sat down Jacob grabbed a chair to sit facing her. The cheap plastic bowed as he sat. They remained in comfortable silence while Jacob drained his beer. Bella laughed as his left hand pulled a new bottle from his pocket as his right deposited the empty bottle on the cold concrete. "I told you - beer o'clock." He winked. "So, you should be at work, but you are here indulging in afternoon brews with me. What's going on?"

"What really happened with Victoria?"

"Holy shit Bella, way to beat around the bush."

She gave a light shrug as she took another sip and maintained eye contact.

"So you've been talking to the Cullens huh?" Jacob shifted, knocking the empty bottle. As it clattered to the ground, Bella knew by his restlessness that she had made him uncomfortable. And that meant he had been hiding something.

"Yes. Apparently she showed up that February, Edward was right behind her. He tracked her for months, before finally killing her in Seattle."

"He tracked her? He did a shitty job, she hardly left the state, and he wasn't around while we were keeping you safe."

"What?" This wasn't what Bella was expecting to hear.

"She was stalking you." He leaned forward to pick up the empty bottle. "I didn't know at first. When I changed Sam told me what was going on. Why do you think I was crawling through your window every night?"

"Because we were dating and I sucked at setting boundaries with my boyfriends. Are you serious?"

He shifted again, this time to slide the bottle into the pocket that stored his second beer. "Sorry Bella. We didn't tell you because we didn't want you to freak out, or do something stupid."

"Do something stupid?"

"Admit it Bella, you were a bit of lose cannon back in the day. You're the one who told me about showing up to a vampire fight armed with a lighter." As he leaned back the chair creaked in warning. He stood up and kicked the chair away. "Fucking piece of shit." Bella didn't know if he was referring to the chair or a vampire.

"She was around all that time?"

"Yes."

Then it clicked for her. "Is that why you changed?"

"Yeah. I always wondered why you never asked about that. You knew the Cullens being back brought the shifting on. You never once asked me why I shifted."

"I thought it was me!"

At that Jacob laughed and leaned against the wall. "You! Why would you make me change?"

"The bite. You told me I smelled like vampire, I thought that's what did it."

"Bella, you have the faintest trace of vampire scent on your wrist. It's probably just from the damaged tissue. Maybe you have a minute trace of venom in there. Trust me, it's not enough to cause me to turn. You really thought that you caused me to change?" He laughed again and took a long swig of his beer.

"Don't laugh at me. You encouraged me. You told me I smelled like one of them all the time!"

At this he had the grace to look sheepish. "I was a dumb kid. I was being an asshole. I know you were trying with me, but you were still so in love with him. I was just being a jealous dick. And I'm still pissed off that happened to you, I'll never understand how you ended up alone with a vampire. A not-Cullen vampire. Explain that to me again."

Bella wasn't going to let Jake side-track her. "I've spent the past ten years of my life thinking that bite was a big deal. That it changed something about me. And now you're telling me it's nothing!"

"Bella, you were bit by a fucking vampire! I'm not saying it's nothing. I do think it messed with you. I agree with you on that. The few minutes it was in your system the change started. But when he pulled it out the change stopped. You're human, there's nothing vampire about you. Did you think you were some sort of hybrid?" He laughed again.

"Don't make fun of me! I've spent a decade building theories on what this could mean, and now you're telling me it's not what I thought. And you're laughing at me!"

"Sorry, Bella. I just had no idea that's what you thought. It's in the past now, what's the problem?"

"Every decision I made since that summer has been based on a jealous lie? And you are asking me why you think it's a big deal?"

"No, Bella. I'm asking you why this matters."

At this, Bella said nothing.

"You never take time off work. What's got you so rattled?"

She sighed and pressed the bottle to her lips. She meant to take a sip, but instead she let it pour down her throat as she arranged her thoughts. Being mad at Jacob was foreign and exhausting. Was she mad at him, or just overwhelmed with everything?

It was definitely both.

"My life right now feels like it's falling apart. The business was tanking, and now maybe it's not. Now that the library expansion is finished I'm not sure how long I'll have a job there. I don't know what the Cullens are doing hanging around. And now I find out you were no better than him. You told me you hated the way he treated me; making decisions for the both of us and not respecting my feelings and opinions. But you did the same thing. I feel like I'm losing my mind and there's no one I can talk to about this."

"You have me. I'm being honest now."

"No. It doesn't fucking matter now. I can't trust you because you're so biased what you say doesn't even matter anymore."

"Come on Bella, don't do this." Jake spoke softly, he knew how to coax her around.

"I'm angry with you. I get to be angry about this." She stood up and moved to leave.

"Fair enough. I've got to ask you though, who told you about Victoria?" He moved away from the wall to follow her to the car. He nearly collided into her as she stopped and turned around.

"Edward."

"How's that going?" He looked down at her with disbelief.

"How's what going?" She looked down to peel at the label.

"Edward. Mike."

"What are you implying?" She kept peeling and the words came out casually. Jacob wasn't fooled.

"Well, I figure if I'm in the dog house already I may as well keep going. What's happening with Mike now that Edward's back in town?"

"I'll ask again, what are you implying?" This time she looked at him through slightly narrowed eyes.

"I know you Bella. I know you like no one else. I saw through that 'I'm over it' act when we were together. You think I don't know why you chose the schools you did? Who really occupied your mind, your heart, when we were together? I saw you trying really hard with Mike. Harder than you tried with me, that's for sure. I was convinced you were over it. But here you are in my garage and we're talking vampires, and it's like we've gone back in time."

"Go fuck yourself." She tapped the neck of his beer to his chest. "You have your imprinted mate -pregnant - 100 feet from us. You don't get to be jealous anymore."

"If I'm wrong, why are you so defensive? Why does it matter what I said ten years ago? We both went on to find our," his finger moved from the neck of his beer to make air quotes, "soul mates -"

"Don't."

Jacob sniffed and took a long swig of beer. "Sorry. For before. And for that just now. I just didn't want you hurt."

"Jesus fucking Christ! I'm not going to get hurt. Edward being back changes nothing with Mike. Don't worry about that. You just worry about taking care of Vanessa and that baby. I'll be fine. Finish this." She handed him her half empty beer.

Well, she pushed it into his chest.

"Come on Bella, I don't want to end this conversation this way, come inside for a visit."

"Jacob, I'm still mad. I'll get over it. But I don't feel like pretending everything's fine right now. You think you are being honest with me, but you're still being a dick." At that she turned and walked to her car.

"Whatever Bella!" He called after her, but didn't bother to follow. "When you need someone to talk to, I'm still going to be here for you. And I'll be honest. Even if you think that means I'm being a dick because no one's been honest with you before."

At that Bella turned around and narrowed her eyes.

"Someone has to be honest with you. If it's not going to be Edward, or Mike, or you, it may as well be me."

Bella turned away as she flipped him off.


	11. Chapter 11

**Here it is! A bonus chapter this weekend for Sri's birthday!**

* * *

He was still getting used to the difference between the scent of somewhere Bella was often as opposed to where Bella was currently. This was supposed to be her afternoon off. Jasper had checked via the North Olympic Library System intranet. But as he approached the back of the deserted library, her scent grew stronger. He could hear books pushing past one another and then the knock against the metal shelf as they were let go. He heard no thoughts.

He stopped at the second last aisle. He knew if he went to the last one, she would be there. He contemplated leaving. He could wait to talk to her about this instead of letting her find out his plan from someone else. It was only a few more days until he would get to meet with her in Mike's office.

It was the hope from the end of that conversation that buoyed his confidence this would be ok. They had calmly discussed heavily emotional topics. He could probably talk to her about this. Here.

He should talk to her about this. As he thought about the progress they made in their conversation he realized how unreasonable his original plan was. He turned down the empty aisle, silently approaching the shelf Bella was stocking from the other side.

He leaned down to peer at her through the gaps in the books.

"Jesus Christ!" She dropped the book loudly on the shelf. "What are you doing here?" she whispered harshly between the empty spaces.

He smiled at her innocently and delivered his well rehearsed line. "The world of finance, while lucrative, was unfulfilling. I'm on a quest to find my calling-" her face disappeared, but her approaching heels echoed loudly in their quiet corner. He took the three steps with her, so they would meet at the end.

"Cut the bullshit! Why are you here?" She flicked her right hand to indicate the library, as she turned towards him, but only succeeded in drawing attention to herself. How had he not noticed her outfit instantly? She wore a fitted white button down, tucked into a narrow pencil skirt. Her stocking clad feet were tucked into modest heels. She was every inch the librarian fantasy, right down to her bun held with a pencil.

"Let your hair down." His commanding tone left no room for argument, but of course, this was Bella.

"Excuse me?"

"Let your hair down." He softened his tone, "it's easier, for me, if your hair covers your neck." It was a lie. He moved his hand to pull the pencil out himself.

"I've got it."

As Bella pulled the pencil and gave her head a slight shake to encourage it's fall, she closed her eyes and missed the unmistakeable lust that escaped Edward's careful control for the briefest of moments.

"Now tell me my books are late."

"You're – wait, what?"

He raised his eyebrows at her as he allowed his crooked smirk to make his meaning clear.

"Oh my god, did you just make an almost dirty joke?"

He blinked innocently at her, "I guess I did."

"Ugh," she rolled her eyes, "I should have known when you told me to cover my neck. My blood isn't a problem for you anymore."

"That's not entirely true."

"That's what you said at your house."

"I said my blood lust wasn't a problem. Not that it stopped captivating me. You mentioned that you thought it would be easier if I wasn't your singer. You still sing to me. I just know now that lust for your blood isn't the lust I struggled with the most." Bella blushed and he felt the venom rush through his body, preparing him should he decide to indulge in either of his cravings.

"Why are you here?" She sighed. "I warned you this is a small town. We had plans to meet in a few days. Are you looking for more hiking guides?"

He smiled at that. "No. Riveting as they were, I think I'm done with ecology guides for a while. I wanted to talk to you about something I would like to do."

"Sure," she leaned against the shelf. "What are you thinking."

"I'd like to volunteer here."

"What?" She stood back up to face him.

"I need something to do. Obviously I can't go to high school again."

"Obviously." She said dryly.

"I thought I could do something here -"

"Here?"

"Yes, here." She said nothing for a moment so he continued. "Would you mind?"

"Would I mind?" She paused as if to think about it. "Why are you asking me?"

"This is where you work. I don't want to infringe on your space."

"And yet you chose here."

"It's not because of you. Well, not entirely because of you." He leaned his shoulder against the stack. "Emmett inspired me. I was thinking I could volunteer to help kids with their reading. I've never done anything like that before, I know, but I thought I could use my gift. If I'm privy to how they think, I may be able to help them formulate strategies - what?" Bella's lips had parted and she looked bewildered.

"You've thought about this?"

"Yes. Well, at first I just thought I should do something here, given my mother's name now graces the place. So I did some research."

"Come on, I'll go through the paper work with you. We actually have a waiting list of kids who could use a tutor. What's your availability?" She started to walk up the aisle and motioned for him to follow.

"I ahhh..." He put his hands in his pockets and walked towards her, "I don't have a lot going on. I'll let you schedule me as you see fit."

"Ok, then. How do you feel about most nights after school and Saturday mornings?"

He smiled, thanks to Jasper, he knew Bella's schedule. They'd be together most days.

"You'll have to leave by noon on Saturdays. We have a trained dog that comes in for kids to read to."

"It's not Jake is it?"

Bella's laugh echoed through the vacant library.


	12. Chapter 12

**In case you missed it - I updated twice on the weekend.**

**Once again, thanks to everyone supporting this story. When I posted it I had no idea it would get the response it did. I owe you lovely readers the best this can be. The darling Sri has taken on the task of being my pre-reader. But, I ****need a beta. I'm currently looking for someone. **

* * *

Bella sat in the little coffee shop across the street from Newton Outfitters. Angela had called Bella and asked her to meet her after she closed up. Bella was eager to see her best friend and return to a little normality. She needed some light conversation after an intense few weeks.

The opening door created enough of a wind current that the papers on Bella's table fluttered, breaking her concentration. She laughed and gathered everything up as she watched Angela struggle through the door.

"I know, I know! This is getting ridiculous." Angela pointed at her belly, "I swear it's twins."

Bella continued to laugh at her friend. "You've had a scan; it's not twins."

"Honestly, at this point I don't know what would be worse, actually having two babies, or the size of this one." Angela manoeuvred her body into the booth across from Bella.

"Angela, you're not that big. I swear."

"I think I was this size when I had Adam. I have more than a month to go. I feel like I'm going to pop!"

"You're beautiful and you know it."

At that Angela smiled. "Thanks to you and Ben telling me all the time." She nodded towards the files in front of Bella, "Which job?"

"The store. I was just going through the books."

Angela winced. "How's it looking?"

"Better. A lot better."

"Really? What's changed? Last time I talked to you things were looking pretty bleak. Ben mentioned Mike didn't get that loan. I thought that was your last chance to fix things."

Bella tapped her fingers against the table, before picking up her tea and taking a sip. She was buying time; nervous about her friend's reaction. "It was. But then the Cullens got involved."

"The Cullens?" Angela tilted her head down and looked at Bella through squinting eyes. "Explain."

It was this suspicion Bella was nervous about. She didn't quite know how to explain. "Emmett started volunteering with kids in Chicago."

"Chicago Bella?" Angela raised a single eyebrow. "When were they in Chicago?"

"After I left."

"Is that a coincidence?" Angela's expression hadn't changed.

"That Emmett and Rosalie moved there years after I went to school there? Yep, total coincidence." Wording it that way was true. Bella, on the other hand, went to Chicago with ulterior motives. "Anyway, long story short, they are purchasing a large amount of equipment from us."

"Is that a coincidence?"

"No." Bella sighed. "They obviously came back here for a reason." Angela opened her mouth to interrupt, but Bella held her hand up. "Think about it. All the money they put into the library. Now they are helping us out. This town hasn't exactly prospered in the past ten years. How many businesses have we lost? Our down town is mostly abandoned retail space. They loved it here. I think they've come to revitalize our community."

"They didn't just love this community did they Bella?"

"Angela." Bella warned softly.

"Have you seen him? Other than the opening night of course."

Bella nodded. She wasn't sure how much she wanted to reveal to her best friend. She had grown so used to sharing everything with her. But this had always been the problem with discussing Edward; it was hard to say anything about him that didn't give away what needed to be hidden. "He has been around while we worked out some of the details with Emmett's foundation."

Angela's eyes grew round. "With Mike?" She whistled. "How'd that go down?"

"It was fine." Bella shrugged and played with her tea cup. "I think at first Mike wasn't very keen about the idea. But you know Mike; he's so easy going. As soon as Emmett got talking, Mike totally got into the whole thing. Anyway, what's going on with you?" Bella was eager to change subjects. She still didn't know what to make of Edward appearing at the library today, she certainly wasn't ready to discuss it with anyone.

"Not much. We've been busy getting little Adam ready to be a big brother. I'm not sure how much you can really prepare a two year old to welcome a baby into the house. Ben's been really busy at the church. We're really enjoying the youth group we started, it's crazy to think we used to be teens struggling through life not that long ago." Angela hesitated before she spoke again. "One of the girls in our youth group is pregnant. She's due this summer."

"Mmmhmmm." Bella responded noncommittally while sipping on her tea. Bella's lack of desire for motherhood was the only contentious issue shared between the two friends. There was something in Angela's tone of voice that hinted this wasn't really about that girl.

"Bella, you know Mike desperately wants a baby."

"Yes Angela, but you also know that I can't have a baby. Mike knows this too, he's accepted it." Bella leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest.

"But what if you could have a baby?" Angela leaned forward, resting her forearms on the table.

"Ang, you know that I don't want a baby either. I have no desire to become a mother."

"Maybe you just feel that way because you don't have the hormones."

"No, Angela, I feel that way because I don't want children. I never have." Bella closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Angela noted it wasn't her usual response to frustration.

"But what if you could become a mother?" Angela pressed on, "Think about Mike as a dad, wouldn't he be amazing? He's so attentive and loving with you, imagine him with a child of his own!"

"Angela, I think we need to drop this, we are never going to agree. Yes, Mike wants children. But he knew when he married me that I couldn't. He's ok with that. I don't know why this seems to be an issue for you." Bella relaxed her posture and picked up her teacup once again.

"Sorry. You are just so great with Adam. Are you sure you don't just feel this way because you can't have kids? Is this just how you deal with infertility?"

"I'm great with Adam because I love being his almost-auntie. Thanks to you and Ben, Mike and I have children in our lives. We don't need to be parents." Bella smiled and sipped her tea, hoping this was the final word on the subject.

"I don't think Mike agrees with you on that. I think if he could be a dad, no, I know if he could be a dad in any way, he'd go for it. It's not like you to be so inflexible Bella. This is something Mike wants desperately, I think you need to consider him in your decision." Having made her point Angela leaned back and watched her friend.

Bella could feel the anger bubbling up inside her. "We did talk about this, before we were married. He knew my position, it obviously wasn't a deal breaker. I think he would rather be with me, than have us end up like Renee and Charlie. She knew she didn't want kids, but had me because that's what Charlie wanted. It destroyed them."

"But she loves you, she doesn't regret having you."

"No, but she didn't really know how to mother me. I know I'm enough like her that I'd make the same mistakes. And before you start, it's not even that I have some sort of insecurity because I needed to be nurtured. I just really don't want kids. Come on Angela, all of this is moot anyway." But the guilty way Angela held Bella's gaze told her that maybe it wasn't. "What?"

"That girl I told you about? She wants to give her baby up for adoption. Ben suggested you and Mike."

"Really? You both know me, and how I feel about having children, and you suggested us?" Bella failed to keep the edge out of her voice.

"I also know you and Mike. You have so much to give to a child. I really think, if you look deep inside, you'll find that you want to be a mother."

"No Ang. I really don't." Bella tried to swallow her anger. "Look, I guess it was really nice of you guys to think of us. There are lots of people out there who would love to adopt this baby, but they're not Mike and I."

"Actually Bella, Mike asked me to bring you out, to talk to you about this."

"What? You went to Mike first?" Bella raised her voice enough to attract a look from the counter patrons. "I can't believe you," she whispered furiously. "You're supposed to be my friend, I thought you would respect me. We've talked about this so much. I can't believe you would just discount my thoughts and feelings about this, just because you can't relate. That was pretty fucking sneaky of you to go to Mike first." Bella never swore at Angela in her life, but she couldn't censor herself now. "You had no right to go behind my back, any of you! How long has Mike known about this?"

"We talked to him last week, on Tuesday." Tuesday; the day he came home and made her dinner. He did want to talk to her about something that night. Her news derailed the conversation. "At first he declined. Said that you didn't want children, and you guys weren't in a place in your lives to consider adoption. Then he called me on Wednesday and asked me to talk to you."

Wednesday.

Once he knew things were going to be better with the shop.

Bella thought about his reaction, from his initial hesitation to his later enthusiasm. Bella thought he had just come around to the idea of them helping the business. But that wasn't what had swayed him at all. He wasn't really fantasizing about them going back to school or taking a holiday. He thought the Cullens were giving him the opportunity to be a father.

For the first time in nearly a decade, Bella thought she was going to throw up.


	13. Chapter 13

**Once again, thank you to all of you who are reading this, reviewing this, recommending this, THANK YOU!**

**Thanks to Nicffwhisperer for hooking me up with the amazing beta MariahajilE! Any mistakes left are completely my fault.**

**Thanks ANHanninen for the banner over on twitter, (which I'm still getting the hang of, come say hi 4ubleddry).**

* * *

The silence between the two friends dragged on. Bella continued to drink her tea and tried to calm herself down. Angela hoped the silence meant that her friend was thinking things through. Bella was but not in the way that Angela was hoping.

"Mike asked you to talk to me?"

Angela nodded.

"Did he ask you to talk to me tonight specifically?"

Angela nodded again.

"Lovely!" Bella snapped. "So this has been carefully controlled. He left to lead a backcountry camping trip this afternoon. I can't contact him. It gives me a week to calm down. He knew this is how I would react!" Bella's hand came down on the table to emphasize her frustration.

"Won't you even consider it?" Angela asked gently. She hadn't meant to anger Bella; she just didn't understand why she wouldn't contemplate this.

"Do you think I haven't considered it? That this is just some whim?" Bella asked with disbelief. "I know Mike wants a family now. But he never used to. Just because he changed his mind doesn't mean that I will change mine." Bella shoved the folder with the store receipts in her bag. "Angela, I'm sure you mean well, but you've overstepped here. I should trust you and Mike more than anyone on this planet to have my back. Instead, you both went behind it to plot against me."

Bella grabbed her bag and shifted down the bench to get out of the booth. Angela reached over and touched her arm to stop her.

"Bella," Angela sighed. "All Mike wanted me to do was bring it up. You're right. I overstepped." She put both hands in the air to signal her surrender. "I just want this so much for the two of you that I got overenthusiastic. I think Mike just wanted me to test the waters. You know him; he would never push you for anything. That boy loves you so much he'll take what he can get from you." Her words stung Bella more than they should. "He doesn't want to upset you. I'm the one pushing you. Someone has to." Her wry smile meant to show Bella she was trying to lighten the mood. But her words had echoed Jacob's and goaded Bella further.

"Why do you and Jacob suddenly think you know more than I do about my own life?"

Angela blinked slowly. "What was Jacob advising you about?"

Bella silently chastised herself for bringing up Jacob. "Nothing. It doesn't matter." There was no way Bella could explain what they had been arguing over.

"Does this have anything to do with Edward?" Angela spoke hesitantly, the words coming as she considered the question herself.

"No!" Bella answered hastily. "Why would you even think that?"

"I can't imagine Jacob offering you advice about anything else. That you wouldn't share with me."

"Angela, right now I'm not sharing anything with you, because I'm livid! Please stay out of my marriage. And if we're going to remain friends, you aren't going to bring this up again." With that Bella got up out of the booth and left a suspicious Angela behind.

Bella jogged across the street and unlocked the door to Newton's. She turned the deadbolt behind her and left the lights off. She had only returned to the store to drop off the paperwork she had been going over, but once she was upstairs, she decided to stay and finish it. She was furious and didn't feel ready to enter their house alone to stew in her feelings. She sat down at Mike's desk and pulled the file from her purse. She placed it on the desk and leaned back to look out the window. She told herself that the fresh evening breeze would help to cool her emotions as she got up and pushed the window open.

She returned to the desk and her work, spending the next two hours slowly going through the task. A small part of her attention remained on the open window. By the time she was finished, she was shivering but made no move to pull the glass down. Bella sat for a while longer, watching the leaves rustle in the wind, letting the occasional star peek through. She told herself she was enjoying the quiet.

After a while, she dried the tears that had started to spill, put the file away in the drawer, and closed the window.

* * *

On Monday evening, Edward sat in Carlisle's car after his first shift at the library while he processed his feelings about the day. It had been Bella's day off, a fact that had initially disappointed him. It had been nearly a week since he'd seen her last. In retrospect, her absence was probably a good thing; it had allowed him to focus completely on what he was doing. And it was this that caused the slight smile on his face. He enjoyed it. When he came up with this plan, he was reluctant to follow it through. He wasn't sure how kids would react to him, if they would trust him or instinctively recoil. It turned out there was nothing to worry about. Both children he'd worked with had accepted him completely. Edward started the car and made his way toward home. He drove by Newton's Outfitters on the way, planning the rest of the evening when he saw Bella's truck out front.

* * *

Edward went to the window at the back of the shop first. It was closed. He didn't check to see if it was unlocked. He thought entering without her permission would be a breach of her trust. Instead, he made his way to the front of the store. The roads were quiet, and no one else was nearby. He entered unseen.

Bella looked up from where she sat behind the cash desk as she heard the door open. She smiled warmly at him and tucked the book she was reading under the counter. "Edward! How was your first day?"

He was struck by the sincerity of her greeting, and it magnified his enthusiasm. "Brilliant! I really enjoyed it. It felt so good to be doing something again." He tucked his left hand in the pocket of his jeans to stop himself from embracing her. He reached forward with his right. "I brought you this. I know you've been here all day. I thought maybe you could use a fresh cup of tea. Chamomile, like what you had at our house. But if you'd prefer something else..." he trailed off, unsure of how she would react to his gesture.

"That's lovely. Thank you." She took the cup with both hands and held it under her nose, closing her eyes and smiling as she inhaled the fragrant steam.

"I was hoping we could talk some more. If that's okay with you."

"Ah, so this is a bribe," she teased.

His free hand moved to the back of his neck as he looked away, unsure of how to respond.

"You fidget."

He raised his eyes. "What?"

"You fidget a lot. That's new."

"I'm nervous. That's new." It was another epiphany. He had been nervous with Bella before; nervous about letting her in, nervous of hurting her. But he held the power then. He could decide when to tell her what he was, how, and for how long he could touch her. When to leave.

She sighed and turned back towards the desk. "Everything down here is done. Just let me cash out. We'll go upstairs."

* * *

"You came back." She spoke as she sat down, eager to get to why he was here.

"I did. When I left last week, you said we could talk again-"

"I meant ten years ago."

"I didn't want to presume."

"Why did you leave again? Was it because I was with Jacob?"

Edward nodded and then looked away. "I want to say that I ran that time because I was happy for you. I left, because I wanted you to have a full life. But that's not why I ran then. I ran, because I was a wreck. I came back, because I knew I made a mistake. To see that you've moved on? I didn't know how to deal with it. I always chose the wrong way to cope."

"The thing with Jacob-"

"You don't have to justify that to me."

"I know." She smiled sadly. "But I want to. I want to tell you why I gave in and tried to be with him."

"Tried?"

"My love for you was so much - too much," she replied, ignoring his question. "I didn't know how to deal with that kind of rejection. He hated you so much, and I know how awful this sounds, but I fed off that hatred. Hate isn't the opposite of love; indifference is. But I could connect to his hatred for you. I hated what you did, and along with all that love for you, there was hate for destroying it."

"You should hate me."

"I don't. And I didn't. I just understood it. Jake was easy. After you left... I felt like there was nothing to love, nothing to desire, about me. He took the sting out and patched me up."

Edward knew that if she had told him this earlier, he would have snapped. He would have roared about his love for her, about her doubts, about listening to Jake's desire but never to his.

He knew now that would get him nowhere.

Of course she would have believed Jake. He remembered the few times he saw Jacob around Bella. He was like an overenthusiastic puppy. He was never afraid to let his feelings show. Edward couldn't do that. Or at least, he didn't do that.

Instead, Edward said nothing. He didn't think Bella was looking for an apology.

"How long were you there?" Bella spoke up after a while. She remembered the night well. "What exactly did you see? Did you watch everything?"

"Minutes. Not even. When I found the two of you, you were kissing in the back seat of his car. Nothing much. But then he started to remember more intimate times. I guessed what was coming next, so I ran. I couldn't have watched that and survived." He wanted to add _then -_ he couldn't have watched that and survived _then_. It turned out he could watch Bella with another man. He didn't think this was the time to disclose that bombshell.

"I guess I'm relieved?" she responded unsurely. He looked at her, shattered at what she had just said. She hadn't wanted him to come back even then. "I don't know what to think about that. You watching me lose my virginity would have been-"

"Wait!" he interrupted. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm that great prom cliché. I had sex for the first time that night."

"But Jacob remembered you naked."

"Maybe," she shrugged. "But we'd never had sex until that night. You're the mindreader. There's a whole lot to get up to between tame kisses and full-on sex. He may have been thinking about me naked, but that doesn't mean we'd had sex." She paused as she realized the implications of his question. "Did you run because you thought I'd had sex with him?"

"Yes," he breathed the word. The truth was crushing him.

"Edward," Bella spoke cautiously. She too felt the weight of what they were saying. "Before he thought about that, what were you going to do?"

"Make myself known." He looked her in the eye. "Beg your forgiveness."

"Oh, my God!" Her hand flew to her lips, as if to contain what she had already spilled.

"How would you have reacted?" The truth, thick with remorse, slowed his question.

He wanted to know.

He knew.

He wanted her to say it.

He didn't want to hear it.

He knew.

"Honestly?"

He nodded.

"I would have been so angry. I would have been pissed."

He nodded.

He knew.

There was more.

He knew.

"I would have taken you back."


End file.
